Keys of a Healthy Relationship

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A healthy relationship starts with each person having a personal relationship with God. Beginning with prayer time, reading the Word, and worship.

A good relationship has balance 100 percent on both sides.  You complete each other. You complement each other.

 You have respect, loyalty, honesty, and believe in one another.  You’re not afraid to share your deepest thoughts or feelings.  You feel safe to share good or bad and not feel threatened.

You know each other most proudest and embarrassing moments.

Know each other dreams, goals, wishes and desires.

Share decision making, children and household chores and budget.

You both are learning, changing and growing together.

Knowing their favorite things like.

Best friends

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Tips

1.Kiss and hug everyday

2.Never go to bed mad or angry

3. Leave note in different places for each other to find.

4. Make up a love language only you two know.

5. Talk about the good memories.

6. Have fun with each other.

7. Touch

Thanks for reading and share.  Don’t forget to leave a comment.

Blessings,

Denise

Love Yourself

It is so important to LOVE YOURSELF!  Guess what, you are beautiful loving and kind!  You are not perfect, and that’s okay because nobody is.  I’m smiling at you.

It’s so hard after leaving an abusive spouse because we love them so much and we believe in them.  We think about the future and the thought of growing old with them.  

Speaking of your future – In reality, we really can’t have a future with  someone who is so selfish who plans to abuse us only because we are nice, caring, nurturing and empathetic.

He wined and dined us.  Used all the right words and we fell in love.  After that the games began.

Remember all the silent treatment.  Up and down mood swings.  All the times you thought you was going crazy.  You weren’t going crazy because, it was him who was playing games with you. 

All the times you took him back.  All the promises to change.  All the abuse. He built you up only to destroy you by bringing  you down.

It’s time to drop him mentally and physically.  Get your healing on and start loving yourself.

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Loving you:

  1. Get a solid relationship with God.
  2. Tell yourself positive things.
  3. Pamper yourself
  4. Read a good book
  5. Acknowledge that you are worthy to be loved
  6. Trust your inner voice
  7. Do something everyday that you like
  8. Build yourself up!
  9. Ask for help if you need it.
  10. Utilize breathing techniques

I pray these things help you like they helped me.

Please comment and share.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt” 

 

8 Tips on How to safely leave an Abusive Relationship

I understand, it’s not your fault.  So don’t blame yourself.  Nobody wakes up and says they want to be in an abusive relationship.  I am an expert on this issue because I am a survivor of domestic violence.  I want to provide valuable resources to help you.

leaving

One day you are in love, trusting the love of your life, spending time with your best friend and planning your future. Then, realizing the one person you trust and love unconditionally are telling you ugly horrible things, even going as far as hitting and abusing you.  The ultimate betrayal.

Steps you need to take if you are leaving…

  1. First, you have to realize you are in an abusive relationship and it’s not your fault. Set your mind on leaving.
  2. The key point is changing the way you think.
  3. Start putting money away, collecting important documents and keeping a journal.
  4. Plan your trip and where you are going to stay.
  5. Leave when your abuser is not home.
  6. Change your phone number.
  7. Reconnect and communicate with family and friends.
  8. Have support systems in place and attend group counseling.

Thank you for visiting and reading my article on tips on leaving an abusive relationship.  Feel free to share with others and leave a comment. I will include a Safety Plan and Steps for starting an Order of Protection in the next two articles.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Break the Silence – Always Tell

What is Rape or Date Rape?

According to the dictionary rape means to force (someone) to have sex with you by using violence or the threat of violence. Date-Rape is the crime of forcing someone you know to have sex with you especially while on a date.

It hurt when you are raped. And it also hurt when some people asked questions like, “What were you wearing? Were you at his house?” It doesn’t matter. It’s not your fault.

For example:

If you wanted to at first and changed your mind. And they do it anyway, it’s wrong.

The person that raped you are at fault.

80% of rapes are carried out by someone you know. (Statistics from RAINN.org)

I was newly divorced, a single mom putting the pieces of my life back together. A friend of mine picked me up for a date. He invited me over to see a movie. I was awakened by him raping me. Happens next!

What happens after you have been raped?

You are not alone. Get to a safe place, tell a trusted friend or family member. Then go to the hospital to get your injuries treated and have a rape kit done.

Preparation before the rape kit:

1. Don’t eat or drink anything.
2. Don’t pee, brush your teeth or bathe.

I know, the first thing you want to do is shower or bathe. You can’t because they need the evidence. They also need to keep your clothes and underwear.

After the rape kit, you don’t have to talk to the police unless you want. If you go to the police station, you have three choices:

1. After the rape kit, you can press and file charges against your abuser. In some states if, you are filing charges they have funds available to pay for the hospital fees, visits and the lab work. They also can pay for loss wages and legal fees. So check with your state.

2. After the rape kit, you don’t have to press and file charges.

3. After the rape kit, you can file charges but you can do it without using your name on the documents.

The journey to recovery is hard, intense and long. Get involved in a local church. Strengthen your relationship with God, He is the true Healer. It is also important to have a good counselor and have a great support system.  Overcoming the trauma of rape remember that you are loved, you have worth and you are not responsible for what happen to you.

In my experience, you will have flashbacks and anxiety, but it is light at the end of your journey. Break the silence – Always tell and let the healing begin. Please post any questions or comments. Thanks for visiting and come again.

I am a Girl

forgiveness

  Never forget who you are, who you belong to, what you want to do or want to be.

 And everything that God made is Worthy. Beautiful. Unique. Special.  It doesn’t matter that we are not perfect.  No one is. Never forget that.

 Remember all the things that made you laugh, the funny jokes and stories you shared.  All the secrets you held fr0m your friends that made the bond stronger.  The ups and downs of life’s discovery.

  In the world around us where we see good and evil.  If you ever experienced domestic violence or emotional abuse. It’s not your fault.  You can break the cycle of abuse only when you are ready to let go, forgive and to heal.  No matter what people say or do, always stay true to you.

Never forget who you are, who you belongs to, what you want to do or want to be.

I am a Girl.

 

 

Thank you for visiting and come again. Please leave messages or comment below.

 

 

6 Tips on Talking with Teens about Domestic Abuse

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Love & Pain who would have thought this would be my life living as a Teen living with domestic violence in the home. 

Parents before you start a conversation with your teen, be natural and in a comfortable settings. Give your teen their favorite blanket.  Realizing that it’s hard for your teenager to see and hear violence in the home.  Especially with their parents.  Teens love both parents and it’s hard on them.  Be open and honest with them about the good and bad things.  Your teens will appreciate your honesty. Knowledge is Power.  Most times when teenagers experience domestic violence in the home they’re very upset and afraid.

Teenagers talk to other teenagers about their problems and fears. Please be calm when you talk and remember don’t force your teen to talk.  Encourage them to open up about their fears and what’s worrying them.

Remember to be available to talk with them when they are ready to talk with you.  Make sure your tone and body language line up.

It’s okay to ask your teen questions about them and what inspires them.Encourage them to get involved in sports, dance, exercising, writing and journaling.  All these to keep their minds of the the troubles at home.   Know their friends.

Most relationships start out good.  Then something bad happen to make their true self comes out.

If your child or children are seeing domestic violence in the home.

Tell them how much you love them. That’s it’s not their fault.
This is not the right way to deal with anger or problems. You are trying to make changes. We need to be in a safe place. I am so sorry you have to see and hear nasty things. Let”s learn together words and safety plan to keep us safe until we get out.

I love you so much.

Tips on teen dating abuse

1.  If they are checking your phone and reading your messages

2.  Telling you who you can be around or talk too.

3.  Calling you names and putting you down

4.  Forcing you to have sex

5.  Threatening you or stalking you

6.  Hitting, Choking, or Punching you

Tips on teens hurt by domestic violence

1.The child thinks about it all the time, may think it’s their fault.

2.Don’t understand what’s happening.

3. Either they don’t want to leave the house.  Withdraw

4. Don’t want to spend time at home.

5. Trouble sleeping and tired all the time.

6. Trouble at school, skipping classes.

 

Don’t want to talk about it.Call 911

Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-540-4000

Info line 7-800-339-6993

RAINN  1-800-656-4673

Please leave a comment or tip!

Know the Signs of domestic violence

Hello Family and Friends,

Here are the Signs of domestic violence, once you recognize the signs you can get help to get out.

1.  Physical abuse – hitting, kicking , choking, slaps and punching.

2.  Sexual abuse – making you have sex when you don’t want it or forces sexual acts.

3.  Emotional abuse – Calling you bad names.  Intimidates you with words, weapons,  and threatens you.

Threatens to hurt themself or take/hurt the children.

He has unrealistic expectations.  Controls what you wear or where you go or who you can see.  Keep you away from family and friends.

He or she plays mind games,making you think it is your fault.

Always Placing blames on someone else for his behavior.

Being unfaithful.

Cause embarrassment on purpose.

Destroy your happiness.

4.  Economically abuse – destroy your belongs or your property or the pet.  Controls the money. Take or keep the money from you.

5. Psychological abuse – You are afraid and intimidated of your abuser.  Isolation.

6. You are experiencing post trauma stress.

Keep important papers from you.

Causes you to lose your job.

If you are experiencing any of these signs then you are living with domestic violence.

Please start keeping a journal of the abuse with date and time.  Gather important papers and clothing keep in a safe place.  Plan your departure and practice a safety plan.

There are people and place that can help.  Love doesn’t have to hurt

Short term effects of domestic violence

Bruises, bites and marks

Black eyes and vision loss

bloody nose

hearing loss

Miscarriage

STD’s because he doesn’t want to wear a condom.

Murder

Long term effects of domestic violence

Headaches and back pain

Depression

eating disorder and trouble sleeping

Anxiety

Post traumatic stress disorder

Smoking, Alcohol or drug use

Suicide

Illness and diseases.

If this article helped you in anyway.  Please post comments and share with others.

Thanks,

Blessing to all,

Denise

Please leave any question, comments and share with others.

5 Tips on Healthy Relationships

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Sweetheart, I love you.  Can you please try not to yell when you are talking with me?

Okay, I will.  Thanks for letting me know.

Now that’s a healthy relationship.

Top 5 Tips

1.  A Healthy relationship have open and honest communication between spouses.  You are able to share your feelings without feeling afraid.

2.  A Healthy relationship you Respect each other, even if you don’t agree.

3.  A Healthy relationship encourage and empower one another, not crush or put downs each other dreams.

4.  A Healthy relationship has trust, so you feel comfortable if they are not with you.

5.  A Healthy relationship respect each other as individuals.  Giving each other room to grow and not feel threatened.

When I was in an abusive relationship I was afraid to express my feeling and living in fear.  I was not in a good place.  If you are in an abusive relationship, please get help.

Feel free to write a message or comment to help others!

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt & I Love ME books

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Comments about my book “Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt”

A powerful, rare view into the dark world of coercive control that also glitters with faith, courage, and resilience. Thank you for telling your story! Mary