Finding you? Your Purpose in Life

When we stay in an abusive relationships, we suffer and our children suffer the most.  Most times we lose us, our purpose and dreams, only to survive.  It’s time to get back to finding you! Your life matters!

Finding your purpose, take action. Don’t give up.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33).

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

 Living everyday is a struggle for us but we can change that by trusting in God.  Once we have that personal relationship, we will begin to love yourself.  

When we love us, then we will make better choices.  Only then, we will leave that abusive relationship.

Ask yourself these questions to find out and write them down to hold your self accountable. Take action to finding your purpose in life.

If you had one year to live, what would you do or go everyday?

Try something new?

What do you feel deep in your spirit?

What ignites your passion in your soul?

What comes natural for you?

What idea or ideas you can’t let go of?

What can you do for free?

What do you do and you forget about the time?

Once you answer all these questions, you should know your purpose.

God bless and remember Grace girls rock. Share and comment. Thanks for visiting and come again.

Blessing.

Denise

How to Stand in Your Power After You Leave

Hello to everyone

To those of you who have been in an abusive relationship and found the courage to leave, we are not alone.  We are still standing! We are standing in our truth!  We are standing in our strength! We are standing in our Power!  Many of us had to make the decision to leave the person who told us they loved us the most.  But remember,  “Love doesn’t have to hurt”.

I am so glad you decided to leave and you are in a safe place.  The most important thing is that you and your children are safe.  And if you don’t have children, then you are safe.

When I left my abusive relationship I had a girlfriend that I confided in and I also attended counseling with an agency for domestic violence in my area.  If you have a girlfriend, family member or are residing in a shelter, praise God you are safe.

Yes, you are going to miss him and yes, he is going to try to convince you to come back home, if he knows where you are.  Continue to be strong and each day it will get easier and easier.  Stand in your power after leaving!

What helped me after taking him back a thousand times was to start journaling. When I thought about all the good times, which didn’t amount to a lot, I read the journal again to keep me focused on what I had to do. I also realized that he really didn’t love me and didn’t care about me and I am better without him.  I grew tired of listening to the broken promises and dreams. I also realized that he choose me because I had a good heart and spirit, only to use me. Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt.

If you decide to go back, be safe and have a safety plan and back up plan in place. Make sure he attends counseling for domestic violence.  Regular counseling or anger management will not address the problems of domestic violence.

It took me awhile to get to where I am today. I left and went back to him several times before I finally left for good.  Never forget that God loves you and you are beautiful and very special.  Love yourself and be safe.

Thanks for reading and share. Please leave a comment.

Best and be safe,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Love Doesn’t have to Hurt

God is love, the true Healer.  I don’t think God wanted us to continue to accept and live with someone hurting us, which is domestic violence.  When I was with my abusive ex-husband, he always said, “If I loved him, I wouldn’t leave him or if I was a real Christian I would stay by his side.”

Yes, I realize we will go through things in a relationship like pain, sorrow, loss along with joy, peace, love and happiness.  Because that is life, but we can control suffering at the hands of our abusers.  There is help and we can take back our lives-take responsibility to change our life for our children and ourself.  Love Doesn’t Hurt, read 1 Corinthians 13:4,5,6,7,13

4 Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. 13 And now these remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.

The Bible is the truth.

Our abuser beat and attacks us for control and that is the time when they are in the most control.  Please know that love is not insecure, neglect, angry and mean.  We though our abusers loved us and we truly loved them and somehow wanted to change them.  But the truth is, they have to change themselves, just like you have to change you.  We confused those feeling for love, now we know it was fear, lack of love, hurt.  Because Love Doesn’t have to Hurt. Love Doesn’t have to Hurt Inspirational guide for Women in domestic violence coming out October 2015 please look out for it.

Be blessed, Be kind and share with others

Denise

Deciding to Leave Your Abuser

Deciding to leave your abuser.  If you are hoping, and praying your abuser will change?

It good to pray.  They have to let God change them.  You can’t change them.  Real change comes from the person. The abuse will happen again, if they don’t seek counseling from a domestic violence counselor.  Create a support system of trusted family and friends.  There is also agencies in your area.

Things to do.  Please keep  private from your abuser.  Keep a journal to document the abuse.  Collect important papers and clothing in a safe place.  Extra set of keys.  Notify your job, school or daycare.

Abusers have deep rooted emotional and probably psychological problems.  It takes time to change.    The hardest part is leaving and you worry about what will happen once you leave.  Love Doesn’t have to Hurt.

Signs that your abuser is not changing:

1. He minimizes that abuse

2. He tells you if you wouldn’t have done this or that then it wouldn’t happen

3. You have to push them to seek counseling

4.  If you leave, they will commit suicide or kill you.

5.  He pressures you

6. Know your abuser

7. Be safe by making up a code to use in a time of emergency

8.  Identify safe places in the home

9. Make an escape plan

Be safe and seek help

All the best,

Denise

Thanks for reading and leave comment.

Know the Signs of domestic violence

Hello Family and Friends,

Here are the Signs of domestic violence, once you recognize the signs you can get help to get out.

1.  Physical abuse – hitting, kicking , choking, slaps and punching.

2.  Sexual abuse – making you have sex when you don’t want it or forces sexual acts.

3.  Emotional abuse – Calling you bad names.  Intimidates you with words, weapons,  and threatens you.

Threatens to hurt themself or take/hurt the children.

He has unrealistic expectations.  Controls what you wear or where you go or who you can see.  Keep you away from family and friends.

He or she plays mind games,making you think it is your fault.

Always Placing blames on someone else for his behavior.

Being unfaithful.

Cause embarrassment on purpose.

Destroy your happiness.

4.  Economically abuse – destroy your belongs or your property or the pet.  Controls the money. Take or keep the money from you.

5. Psychological abuse – You are afraid and intimidated of your abuser.  Isolation.

6. You are experiencing post trauma stress.

Keep important papers from you.

Causes you to lose your job.

If you are experiencing any of these signs then you are living with domestic violence.

Please start keeping a journal of the abuse with date and time.  Gather important papers and clothing keep in a safe place.  Plan your departure and practice a safety plan.

There are people and place that can help.  Love doesn’t have to hurt

Short term effects of domestic violence

Bruises, bites and marks

Black eyes and vision loss

bloody nose

hearing loss

Miscarriage

STD’s because he doesn’t want to wear a condom.

Murder

Long term effects of domestic violence

Headaches and back pain

Depression

eating disorder and trouble sleeping

Anxiety

Post traumatic stress disorder

Smoking, Alcohol or drug use

Suicide

Illness and diseases.

If this article helped you in anyway.  Please post comments and share with others.

Thanks,

Blessing to all,

Denise

Please leave any question, comments and share with others.

Faith from the Inside Out

Hi Family and Friends,

“Faith from the Inside Out” is a screenplay 2nd part of my book “Love Doesn’t have to Hurt”   With prayer I am developing and writing for families living with or surviving domestic violence.   “Faith from the Inside Out” purpose is to inspire,  change lives for a better you.  It’s about a series of life challenges designed for families, especially children.  It will be written,  Illustrated and easy to understand teaching about Faith, Love and Forgiveness.  It will satisfy curiosity and  promote growth  shown with vivid colors, drawing, coloring and reading.  Through the process learning without Faith ~ to ~ learning with Faith, Love and Forgiveness how it will work in your life.  Please look out for my new book series, that I have the pleasure and opportunity to share with you.  Please checkout this link from my Pastor Creflo Dollar

http://www.worldchangers.org/Monthly-ObeyFaith.aspx

the best,

Denise

Thinking of You

Thinking of You

Thinking of you is like a cool breeze on a Summer day thanks for keeping me safe

Summer days warms the soul and makes you look forward to another day thanks to you I have another day

Another day promised by God

God is my everything and I thank God for sharing you with me

With Me and You there is true Love, Family, Friendship, and Warmth thinking of You.

Happy Birthday, Nicky and Ramon (twins)

Emotions

Hi everyone,

How are you?  I am great. Let’s share about our emotions.  Emotions are powerful or intense feelings.  Emotions are what we feel before, during or after something. It  is so important not to act or do something based on our emotions.

Emotions are powerful or intense feelings which change.  For example, You  and a long time friend disagree.   Based on your emotions,  you too stop talking.  If you act on what you know based on your relationship with God.  How would God want you to react, regarding your friend?  Rather than emotions, the friendship will last forever and you will get through it with God.  I pray you understand what I am saying.  Emotions change too often.  Please base things on what you know.  The only true way to know based things in your life on the Word of God.  I read this article about having Radical Faith and you really need to have Radical faith to deal with life, family and friends and not life on Emotions.

Next blog we will talk about “Show Me,”  If you want your children to be responsible, show them how to be responsible.