How to Stand in Your Power After You Leave

Hello to everyone

To those of you who have been in an abusive relationship and found the courage to leave, we are not alone.  We are still standing! We are standing in our truth!  We are standing in our strength! We are standing in our Power!  Many of us had to make the decision to leave the person who told us they loved us the most.  But remember,  “Love doesn’t have to hurt”.

I am so glad you decided to leave and you are in a safe place.  The most important thing is that you and your children are safe.  And if you don’t have children, then you are safe.

When I left my abusive relationship I had a girlfriend that I confided in and I also attended counseling with an agency for domestic violence in my area.  If you have a girlfriend, family member or are residing in a shelter, praise God you are safe.

Yes, you are going to miss him and yes, he is going to try to convince you to come back home, if he knows where you are.  Continue to be strong and each day it will get easier and easier.  Stand in your power after leaving!

What helped me after taking him back a thousand times was to start journaling. When I thought about all the good times, which didn’t amount to a lot, I read the journal again to keep me focused on what I had to do. I also realized that he really didn’t love me and didn’t care about me and I am better without him.  I grew tired of listening to the broken promises and dreams. I also realized that he choose me because I had a good heart and spirit, only to use me. Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt.

If you decide to go back, be safe and have a safety plan and back up plan in place. Make sure he attends counseling for domestic violence.  Regular counseling or anger management will not address the problems of domestic violence.

It took me awhile to get to where I am today. I left and went back to him several times before I finally left for good.  Never forget that God loves you and you are beautiful and very special.  Love yourself and be safe.

Thanks for reading and share. Please leave a comment.

Best and be safe,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Deciding to Leave Your Abuser

Deciding to leave your abuser.  If you are hoping, and praying your abuser will change?

It good to pray.  They have to let God change them.  You can’t change them.  Real change comes from the person. The abuse will happen again, if they don’t seek counseling from a domestic violence counselor.  Create a support system of trusted family and friends.  There is also agencies in your area.

Things to do.  Please keep  private from your abuser.  Keep a journal to document the abuse.  Collect important papers and clothing in a safe place.  Extra set of keys.  Notify your job, school or daycare.

Abusers have deep rooted emotional and probably psychological problems.  It takes time to change.    The hardest part is leaving and you worry about what will happen once you leave.  Love Doesn’t have to Hurt.

Signs that your abuser is not changing:

1. He minimizes that abuse

2. He tells you if you wouldn’t have done this or that then it wouldn’t happen

3. You have to push them to seek counseling

4.  If you leave, they will commit suicide or kill you.

5.  He pressures you

6. Know your abuser

7. Be safe by making up a code to use in a time of emergency

8.  Identify safe places in the home

9. Make an escape plan

Be safe and seek help

All the best,

Denise

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May 25, 2011 Choices?

We all have choices to make in life.   Whether good or bad it will affect your life.  Your life is so valuable and would be a shame to wait.  What do you  want to leave your children, friends and family?  What is your Legacy?  What choices in life will you make?

Approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense.  Philippians 1:10

We must make choices of love, encouragement, empowerment,  and integrity.

When you have children integrity is very important.  Children lead my example.  If  our children see  or hear us lying, cussing, using bad language and stealing.  That is what children will follow, not you telling them to not do as you  do, but what you say.

Please leave your children a Legacy to be proud.  I know it is your choice to choose excellent, good or bad situations for your life.  Remember God is watching and so are others in your life.

The choices you make in life will affect you.  Everything you do in life, is the  total of all the  choices you have made.  If you make bad choices you will get a negative response.  If you make good choices you will get a good response.  If you make excellent choices you will get an excellent response.    We all have choices to make, so choose wisely.

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Please read the article by Sheila Cohill.  This article contain some good points and you will not be disappointed.