Prevent Teen Violence and Abuse

Teens this is for you. Your life Matters. Love every part of you.

February is teen dating violence awareness month

April is sexual assault awareness month

Statistics from loveisrespect.org

  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
  • One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
  • One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
  • Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced.

A warning means act now or get out before the exploration

1.  If you are called bad words, verbally abusing or names over the phone/text or chat end the relationship.

2.  Threatening you or self if you don’t do what they ask you to do.

3.  Minimizing your feeling or thoughts, like what you say don’t matter.

4.  Coercing you into sending sexual pictures, which is a crime.

5.  Demanding your phone and password, or on your social media sites.

6.  Threatening to post humiliating information about you or lying on you.

7.  Keeping you away from family or friends.

8.  Checking up on you or following you.

9.  Getting angry if you can’t spend time with him.

10.  Blaming yo.u

11.  Extremely jealous, moody or insecure.

12.  Physically hitting.

13. Explosive temper

14. You are afraid to disagree with your boyfriend or girlfriend because what they might do.

These are some of the warning signs, please tell your parents, a trusted friend and police.

I plan to publish teen book Oct/Nov 2020 “I Love Me from Pieces Made Whole” just for you. Check out the new cover. What you think?

Grace girls rock, remember love doesn’t have to hurt.

Be safe,

Denise

Please comment and feel free to share post. Thank you for reading and visiting the site.

Grace Girls Bill of Rights for Survivors

I am me and I have a right to be ME.

I am a queen of the most high.

I have the right to feel safe and be safe at all times.

I have the right to feel love and be respected.

I am not perfect but deserve to be treated right.

I have the right to go and see who I want to see without fear.

I have the right to ask questions, make decisions that affect me.

I am my own person, with my own goals and needs.

Believe

love-11

Hello,   How many of us are still living by our emotions?  In God’s unchanging Word, it is wise not to live by our emotions.

Our emotions will guide us in the wrong direction.  Emotions change! Domestic violence and abuse affects our emotions instead of what we see. Believe in what you see your abuser do and say.  It will lead you to safety.

God wants us to be stable in all our ways. Domestic violence and abuse is not stable. It’s like living with two completely different people.

believe

Only you know when enough is enough.  You do deserve the best of what life can offer you. Key point, don’t follow your feelings or emotions, but focus on the facts. The Principle. Take care.

Peace and blessings,

Denise

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt

How to Stand in Your Power After You Leave

Hello to everyone

To those of you who have been in an abusive relationship and found the courage to leave, we are not alone.  We are still standing! We are standing in our truth!  We are standing in our strength! We are standing in our Power!  Many of us had to make the decision to leave the person who told us they loved us the most.  But remember,  “Love doesn’t have to hurt”.

I am so glad you decided to leave and you are in a safe place.  The most important thing is that you and your children are safe.  And if you don’t have children, then you are safe.

When I left my abusive relationship I had a girlfriend that I confided in and I also attended counseling with an agency for domestic violence in my area.  If you have a girlfriend, family member or are residing in a shelter, praise God you are safe.

Yes, you are going to miss him and yes, he is going to try to convince you to come back home, if he knows where you are.  Continue to be strong and each day it will get easier and easier.  Stand in your power after leaving!

What helped me after taking him back a thousand times was to start journaling. When I thought about all the good times, which didn’t amount to a lot, I read the journal again to keep me focused on what I had to do. I also realized that he really didn’t love me and didn’t care about me and I am better without him.  I grew tired of listening to the broken promises and dreams. I also realized that he choose me because I had a good heart and spirit, only to use me. Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt.

If you decide to go back, be safe and have a safety plan and back up plan in place. Make sure he attends counseling for domestic violence.  Regular counseling or anger management will not address the problems of domestic violence.

It took me awhile to get to where I am today. I left and went back to him several times before I finally left for good.  Never forget that God loves you and you are beautiful and very special.  Love yourself and be safe.

Thanks for reading and share. Please leave a comment.

Best and be safe,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

8 Tips on How to safely leave an Abusive Relationship

I understand, it’s not your fault.  So don’t blame yourself.  Nobody wakes up and says they want to be in an abusive relationship.  I am an expert on this issue because I am a survivor of domestic violence.  I want to provide valuable resources to help you.

leaving

One day you are in love, trusting the love of your life, spending time with your best friend and planning your future. Then, realizing the one person you trust and love unconditionally are telling you ugly horrible things, even going as far as hitting and abusing you.  The ultimate betrayal.

Steps you need to take if you are leaving…

  1. First, you have to realize you are in an abusive relationship and it’s not your fault. Set your mind on leaving.
  2. The key point is changing the way you think.
  3. Start putting money away, collecting important documents and keeping a journal.
  4. Plan your trip and where you are going to stay.
  5. Leave when your abuser is not home.
  6. Change your phone number.
  7. Reconnect and communicate with family and friends.
  8. Have support systems in place and attend group counseling.

Thank you for visiting and reading my article on tips on leaving an abusive relationship.  Feel free to share with others and leave a comment. I will include a Safety Plan and Steps for starting an Order of Protection in the next two articles.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Children living in home with Domestic Abuse

kids_DV

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain power and control over another person.  Statistics states 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.  With that being said, think about how many children that’s experiencing domestic violence in the home.

Children living in a home with domestic abuse is more times likely to be depressed, have anxiety and afraid.  They also suffer abuse and neglect 30% to 60%.  More than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes every year.   And the third leading cause of homelessness among families.

Domestic violence is not just a family thing but it’s a community thing.  It cost more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work and medical treatment.  This is what I mean- Parents we are responsible for our children.  Take our babies to church and learn the ways of Jesus Christ.  When our babies grow up with good manners and morals and love God.  When you love God, you will love yourself and you will choose good.  It might not work this way for everybody but it’s better than doing nothing.

When you are broken mentally and physically you are vulnerable.  It’s easier for you to live with domestic violence and abuse.  Please think of your children.  If you are living with domestic violence get help.  It is time to save you and your children.  God loves you and you deserve the best.

Signs of Physical Abuse on Children

1. Bruise, burns, cuts, broken bones, scars

2. Acting out at home and school.

3. Shy away

4. Sudden jumping, flinches thinking you are going to get hit.

Signs of Emotional Abuse on Children

1. Attitude and mood changes.

2.Bedwetting and developmental delays

3. Doesn’t bond with abusive parent

4. Withdrawn

5. Passive behavior

6. Rocking or thumbsucking.

Signs of Sexual Abuse on Children

1. Sexually touching other children.

2.Depression.

3. Afraid to be alone.

4. Pain, itching and bleeding from private parts.

5. It’s hurts to walk or sit.

6. Suicide

Practice safety plan and teach your children word that you would say when you need help from your abuser.

Be safe,

Denise

Leave any comments or questions.

Tips to help prevent child sexual abuse

TyKaihugWe love our children and need to keep them safe.  It’s our responsibility as parents or guardians to protect them.  Taking responsibility is the first step.

  1.  We are busy with our jobs and life, but we must stay connected with our children.  Be aware of what they watch on television, computer use and other technology.
  2. Set up boundaries.  Family boundaries to teach respect for yourself and other family members.  If you respect you, you can also respect others.
  3. Teach it’s okay to say “No”. I respect your privacy.
  4. Talk about the things that are bothering you.
  5. Speak up if you see or hear inappropriate behavior.
  6. It’s okay to report anything you think is sexual abuse against anyone.
  7. Tell your children the proper name for their body parts.
  8. Teach your children about good touches, bad touches, sexual touches and what’s not okay.
  9. Teach your children about good secrets and bad secrets.
  10. Let your children know if anybody tell them,”they will hurt your parents or they will not believe you.  Don’t believe them.”  As your parent or guardian I will always believe you and you will not be in trouble.

Thank you for taking your time to read and comment on my article.  Also share with others.

Denise

Deciding to Leave Your Abuser

Deciding to leave your abuser.  If you are hoping, and praying your abuser will change?

It good to pray.  They have to let God change them.  You can’t change them.  Real change comes from the person. The abuse will happen again, if they don’t seek counseling from a domestic violence counselor.  Create a support system of trusted family and friends.  There is also agencies in your area.

Things to do.  Please keep  private from your abuser.  Keep a journal to document the abuse.  Collect important papers and clothing in a safe place.  Extra set of keys.  Notify your job, school or daycare.

Abusers have deep rooted emotional and probably psychological problems.  It takes time to change.    The hardest part is leaving and you worry about what will happen once you leave.  Love Doesn’t have to Hurt.

Signs that your abuser is not changing:

1. He minimizes that abuse

2. He tells you if you wouldn’t have done this or that then it wouldn’t happen

3. You have to push them to seek counseling

4.  If you leave, they will commit suicide or kill you.

5.  He pressures you

6. Know your abuser

7. Be safe by making up a code to use in a time of emergency

8.  Identify safe places in the home

9. Make an escape plan

Be safe and seek help

All the best,

Denise

Thanks for reading and leave comment.

5 Tips on Healthy Relationships

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Sweetheart, I love you.  Can you please try not to yell when you are talking with me?

Okay, I will.  Thanks for letting me know.

Now that’s a healthy relationship.

Top 5 Tips

1.  A Healthy relationship have open and honest communication between spouses.  You are able to share your feelings without feeling afraid.

2.  A Healthy relationship you Respect each other, even if you don’t agree.

3.  A Healthy relationship encourage and empower one another, not crush or put downs each other dreams.

4.  A Healthy relationship has trust, so you feel comfortable if they are not with you.

5.  A Healthy relationship respect each other as individuals.  Giving each other room to grow and not feel threatened.

When I was in an abusive relationship I was afraid to express my feeling and living in fear.  I was not in a good place.  If you are in an abusive relationship, please get help.

Feel free to write a message or comment to help others!

Safety Plan – Domestic Violence and Abusse

This is to all my sisters living with domestic violence and abuse.   Are you confused living with your abusers,  not knowing how they are going to act from one minute to the next.  I was.  Wandering if it’s something that I have done.  We are continually changing  ourselves, not realizing they have the control to change themselves.  We all have choices to make, you have to decide what we say and do.  We don’t have to be abuse others.  Understand, you control your anger and emotions.  They can too.  I am not telling you nothing that I haven’t been through my self.  I had to learn this and I also had to get the strength to move on.

Before you leave, you must have a plan.   A successful plan that will keep you and your children safe.  Once you decide to leave or have left, please know,  these are the most dangerous times.

For one, your abuser don’t want you to go.  Secondly, once you leave your abuser is going to want you back.  So it is very important that you stay safe.  These are safety tips if you are planning to leave and some for after you have gone.

You are not alone, when I decide to leave my abuser I had to plan it out to keep my children safe.  Was it scary?  Yes.  Did I try to talk myself out of it?  Yes.  Did  I want my children to have their father? Yes.   But I also had to realize that he was hurting us.  He was not trying to change, so I had to do what I could to keep us safe.  Please use these tips whenever you decide to use them.

Planning to Leave

1. If you drive, leave the driver door unlooked, hide a extra key.

2. Have information papers, cash along with clothing for you and children in a safe place.

3. Have a cellphone or domestic violence cellphone to call 911.

4.  Make sure you are not being following and change your routes.

5. Learn special code words with your children, so you can use in case of  emergencies.

6. Memorize important numbers

7. Know shelters, crisis lines and churches in your area

8. Let your children schools, daycare know your situation to remove the abuser off the pick up form.

9.  Get outside help to assure you have a safe place to go.

10. Make sure you and the children learn a safe way out of the home in case of fire or violent attack.

11.  Know all the safe places in your neighborhood like hospitals, gas stations, police station and friends                  house.

12.  Make a budget?  Try to save money.

13.  Document any abuse with pictures, diary, and record phone calls.  This is helpful when you call the police and helpful after you leave.  You can get an order of protection and help with legal fees.

Once you Leave

1. Stay in well lighted areas.

2. Screen all phone calls, even after you change your number.

3.  Be careful when you use computers, cell phone, GPS, stores, telephone and utilities company all can give        your location.

4.  Get unlisted phone number

5.  Make sure you are not being followed.

6.  Change your routes often.

7.  Make sure you are the only one to pick up the children.

8.  Make sure the schools, daycare and your job know your situation.

9.  You are in a safe place

10.  If you have to see your abuser, make sure you are not alone and make sure it’s in a public place.

God bless you and be safe,

Denise