Rebuilding after…Grace girl!

Domestic Violence and Emotional Abuse is one of the hardest things to survive. Just know you can do it! You are free from your abusive, please continue to safety plan. 

Tips:

  • Change your phone number and get caller ID.
  • Change your locks and check windows.
  • Change your work hours and your routes to and from work.
  • Tell family and friends to be alert.
  • Get a restraining order.

It’s time to think about you. When was the last time you did something just for you?  Think about what could  make you happy?  What brings you joy?  

Read a good book?  Get a facial? When was the last time? If you can’t answer, then it’s time you start PAMPERING  YOU!

Keys…You are so beautiful, loving and kind.  You spend so much of your time focusing on others.  Yes, they appreciate it.  And you feel good also. I know it’s hard rebuilding yourself after an abusive relationship. The journey is long but we are worth it.

Everyday we should thank God, eat a balanced meal, exercise, drink plenty of water and pray.

It’s also nice to have some me time.  If you love and appreciate yourself.  spend time with yourself, then you can carry so much more love over to others.  Joy and happiness comes from you and no one else.  Your family, friends and others may positively affect your mood sometimes.

Others love to be around people that are likable.

1.  Think about what you love about yourself?

2.  What makes you happy?

3.  What brings you joy?

4.  Instead of focusing on celebrating once you get that new job, or make your next million, have fun now!  Celebrate each day that God gives you breath.

Be blessed,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Prevent Teen Violence

Teens this is for you. Your life Matters. Love every part of you.

February is teen dating violence awareness month

April is sexual assault awareness month

Statistics from loveisrespect.org

  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
  • One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
  • One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
  • Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced.

A warning means act now or get out before the exploration

1.  If you are called bad words, verbally abusing or names over the phone/text or chat end the relationship.

2.  Threatening you or self if you don’t do what they ask you to do.

3.  Minimizing your feeling or thoughts, like what you say don’t matter.

4.  Coercing you into sending sexual pictures, which is a crime.

5.  Demanding your phone and password, or on your social media sites.

6.  Threatening to post humiliating information about you or lying on you.

7.  Keeping you away from family or friends.

8.  Checking up on you or following you.

9.  Getting angry if you can’t spend time with him.

10.  Blaming yo.u

11.  Extremely jealous, moody or insecure.

12.  Physically hitting.

13. Explosive temper

14. You are afraid to disagree with your boyfriend or girlfriend because what they might do.

These are some of the warning signs, please tell your parents, a trusted friend and police.

This month, I plan to publish a book called “I Love Me from Pieces Made Whole” just for you.

Grace girls rock, remember love doesn’t have to hurt.

Be safe,

Denise

Please comment and feel free to share post. Thank you for reading and visiting the site.

Focus on the Possibilities

Good morning, today is a new day.  Let’s talk about using the things that has hurt you or your failures to inspire your greatness.

Most of us has a story. Turn your negative into a positive by helping someone else.

I encourage you to learn from your life experiences and turn a negative into a positive to work toward growth and development to better your life.

Remember your Failures and your Success equals Growth.

Pressure makes rubies and diamonds, so Grace Girls be empower to start turning a negative situation into positive possibilities.  

Relax and focus on your passion. Think about what you can do with thinking about it?

Find your purpose.

After you find your purpose set goals. For example, I mentor women dealing with domestic violence and abuse. I work at a domestic violence shelter. I am a believer and I love what I do.

Empowering Grace Girls and my goal is to open a Grace Girls home. The vision to Make a Difference.

My first step is to set daily, weekly, and monthly goals. I will work on my plan everyday. Planning is the most important step and God will do the rest. If I can write it out, I can achieve it.

Always remember to make a plan. Thanks for reading and come again.

Comments are always welcome.

blessings,

Denise

Keys of a Healthy Relationship

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A healthy relationship starts with each person having a personal relationship with God. Beginning with prayer time, reading the Word, and worship.

A good relationship has balance 100 percent on both sides.  You complete each other. You complement each other.

 You have respect, loyalty, honesty, and believe in one another.  You’re not afraid to share your deepest thoughts or feelings.  You feel safe to share good or bad and not feel threatened.

You know each other most proudest and embarrassing moments.

Know each other dreams, goals, wishes and desires.

Share decision making, children and household chores and budget.

You both are learning, changing and growing together.

Knowing their favorite things like.

Best friends

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Tips

1.Kiss and hug everyday

2.Never go to bed mad or angry

3. Leave note in different places for each other to find.

4. Make up a love language only you two know.

5. Talk about the good memories.

6. Have fun with each other.

7. Touch

Thanks for reading and share.  Don’t forget to leave a comment.

Blessings,

Denise

Love Yourself

It is so important to LOVE YOURSELF!  Guess what, you are beautiful loving and kind!  You are not perfect, and that’s okay because nobody is.  I’m smiling at you.

It’s so hard after leaving an abusive spouse because we love them so much and we believe in them.  We think about the future and the thought of growing old with them.  

Speaking of your future – In reality, we really can’t have a future with  someone who is so selfish who plans to abuse us only because we are nice, caring, nurturing and empathetic.

He wined and dined us.  Used all the right words and we fell in love.  After that the games began.

Remember all the silent treatment.  Up and down mood swings.  All the times you thought you was going crazy.  You weren’t going crazy because, it was him who was playing games with you. 

All the times you took him back.  All the promises to change.  All the abuse. He built you up only to destroy you by bringing  you down.

It’s time to drop him mentally and physically.  Get your healing on and start loving yourself.

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Loving you:

  1. Get a solid relationship with God.
  2. Tell yourself positive things.
  3. Pamper yourself
  4. Read a good book
  5. Acknowledge that you are worthy to be loved
  6. Trust your inner voice
  7. Do something everyday that you like
  8. Build yourself up!
  9. Ask for help if you need it.
  10. Utilize breathing techniques

I pray these things help you like they helped me.

Please comment and share.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt” 

 

Children living in home with Domestic Abuse

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Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain power and control over another person.  Statistics states 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.  With that being said, think about how many children that’s experiencing domestic violence in the home.

Children living in a home with domestic abuse is more times likely to be depressed, have anxiety and afraid.  They also suffer abuse and neglect 30% to 60%.  More than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes every year.   And the third leading cause of homelessness among families.

Domestic violence is not just a family thing but it’s a community thing.  It cost more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work and medical treatment.  This is what I mean- Parents we are responsible for our children.  Take our babies to church and learn the ways of Jesus Christ.  When our babies grow up with good manners and morals and love God.  When you love God, you will love yourself and you will choose good.  It might not work this way for everybody but it’s better than doing nothing.

When you are broken mentally and physically you are vulnerable.  It’s easier for you to live with domestic violence and abuse.  Please think of your children.  If you are living with domestic violence get help.  It is time to save you and your children.  God loves you and you deserve the best.

Signs of Physical Abuse on Children

1. Bruise, burns, cuts, broken bones, scars

2. Acting out at home and school.

3. Shy away

4. Sudden jumping, flinches thinking you are going to get hit.

Signs of Emotional Abuse on Children

1. Attitude and mood changes.

2.Bedwetting and developmental delays

3. Doesn’t bond with abusive parent

4. Withdrawn

5. Passive behavior

6. Rocking or thumbsucking.

Signs of Sexual Abuse on Children

1. Sexually touching other children.

2.Depression.

3. Afraid to be alone.

4. Pain, itching and bleeding from private parts.

5. It’s hurts to walk or sit.

6. Suicide

Practice safety plan and teach your children word that you would say when you need help from your abuser.

Be safe,

Denise

Leave any comments or questions.

Break the Silence – Always Tell

What is Rape or Date Rape?

According to the dictionary rape means to force (someone) to have sex with you by using violence or the threat of violence. Date-Rape is the crime of forcing someone you know to have sex with you especially while on a date.

It hurt when you are raped. And it also hurt when some people asked questions like, “What were you wearing? Were you at his house?” It doesn’t matter. It’s not your fault.

For example:

If you wanted to at first and changed your mind. And they do it anyway, it’s wrong.

The person that raped you are at fault.

80% of rapes are carried out by someone you know. (Statistics from RAINN.org)

I was newly divorced, a single mom putting the pieces of my life back together. A friend of mine picked me up for a date. He invited me over to see a movie. I was awakened by him raping me. Happens next!

What happens after you have been raped?

You are not alone. Get to a safe place, tell a trusted friend or family member. Then go to the hospital to get your injuries treated and have a rape kit done.

Preparation before the rape kit:

1. Don’t eat or drink anything.
2. Don’t pee, brush your teeth or bathe.

I know, the first thing you want to do is shower or bathe. You can’t because they need the evidence. They also need to keep your clothes and underwear.

After the rape kit, you don’t have to talk to the police unless you want. If you go to the police station, you have three choices:

1. After the rape kit, you can press and file charges against your abuser. In some states if, you are filing charges they have funds available to pay for the hospital fees, visits and the lab work. They also can pay for loss wages and legal fees. So check with your state.

2. After the rape kit, you don’t have to press and file charges.

3. After the rape kit, you can file charges but you can do it without using your name on the documents.

The journey to recovery is hard, intense and long. Get involved in a local church. Strengthen your relationship with God, He is the true Healer. It is also important to have a good counselor and have a great support system.  Overcoming the trauma of rape remember that you are loved, you have worth and you are not responsible for what happen to you.

In my experience, you will have flashbacks and anxiety, but it is light at the end of your journey. Break the silence – Always tell and let the healing begin. Please post any questions or comments. Thanks for visiting and come again.

Tips to help prevent child sexual abuse

TyKaihugWe love our children and need to keep them safe.  It’s our responsibility as parents or guardians to protect them.  Taking responsibility is the first step.

  1.  We are busy with our jobs and life, but we must stay connected with our children.  Be aware of what they watch on television, computer use and other technology.
  2. Set up boundaries.  Family boundaries to teach respect for yourself and other family members.  If you respect you, you can also respect others.
  3. Teach it’s okay to say “No”. I respect your privacy.
  4. Talk about the things that are bothering you.
  5. Speak up if you see or hear inappropriate behavior.
  6. It’s okay to report anything you think is sexual abuse against anyone.
  7. Tell your children the proper name for their body parts.
  8. Teach your children about good touches, bad touches, sexual touches and what’s not okay.
  9. Teach your children about good secrets and bad secrets.
  10. Let your children know if anybody tell them,”they will hurt your parents or they will not believe you.  Don’t believe them.”  As your parent or guardian I will always believe you and you will not be in trouble.

Thank you for taking your time to read and comment on my article.  Also share with others.

Denise

Deciding to Leave Your Abuser

Deciding to leave your abuser.  If you are hoping, and praying your abuser will change?

It good to pray.  They have to let God change them.  You can’t change them.  Real change comes from the person. The abuse will happen again, if they don’t seek counseling from a domestic violence counselor.  Create a support system of trusted family and friends.  There is also agencies in your area.

Things to do.  Please keep  private from your abuser.  Keep a journal to document the abuse.  Collect important papers and clothing in a safe place.  Extra set of keys.  Notify your job, school or daycare.

Abusers have deep rooted emotional and probably psychological problems.  It takes time to change.    The hardest part is leaving and you worry about what will happen once you leave.  Love Doesn’t have to Hurt.

Signs that your abuser is not changing:

1. He minimizes that abuse

2. He tells you if you wouldn’t have done this or that then it wouldn’t happen

3. You have to push them to seek counseling

4.  If you leave, they will commit suicide or kill you.

5.  He pressures you

6. Know your abuser

7. Be safe by making up a code to use in a time of emergency

8.  Identify safe places in the home

9. Make an escape plan

Be safe and seek help

All the best,

Denise

Thanks for reading and leave comment.

It’s all about Love including an article “A Specific Purpose for your Life”

Hi Everyone, It’s truly all about Love.

Love is so good that we can talk about it and share it again, again and again.  Love is an Action word meaning you have to do something.

In God’s Word  read St. John 15:12  “This is my commandment.  That ye love one another, as I have loved you.”

By God making it a commandment,  tells me that Love is the Key of Life.   Sharing Love is our main purpose in Life.

God is Love  I know we shared about love, forgiveness, caring already.  But we can’t get enough Love.

It’s so important that we love one another, even our enemies.  Please forgive your enemies and all the people that hurt you.   And the people you may have hurt.  You can’t move on with your life from carrying burdens and fear.

I believe that’s why domestic violence is still the top three in the world for killing. So many People suffering from and living in domestic violence. Turn to drugs, alcohol, meaningless sex, abuse and other things that aren’t good for you. Trying to fill a void because something is missing in your life.  When you refuse to Love yourself and others that’s what happens.  God is the only one that can fill that void.

When you’re young you see a lot of things that maybe you shouldn’t have.  Those things affect you whether good or bad.  It’s our responsibility to Love our children enough to protect them from hurt, harm and danger.  If you love there’s no fear.

Again, It’s all about Love.  Please forgive yourself and others.  Free yourself.  Because God knows everything, ask God and you will be forgiven. God has a Specific Purpose for your Life.

I grew up in an Abusive family life.  I dealt with Abuse then married an Abuser. God did save me because I let Him into my life.  God loves me unconditional.  And I love myself so I am seeking and demanding better things for my life.  Love is the key to breaking the cycle of abuse, drug addiction, alcoholism…….The list goes on and on.    This article is for everyone that need Jesus, direction and getting on the right track. Written in a format that is easy to understand.  A guide to finding your purpose in your life.  Please read this article”A Specific Purpose for your Life”  It helped me and I know it will help you too.

Thank you for reading and please leave a message.  I look forward to hearing from you,

Denise