Love Doesn’t have to Hurt

God is love, the true Healer.  I don’t think God wanted us to continue to accept and live with someone hurting us, which is domestic violence.  When I was with my abusive ex-husband, he always said, “If I loved him, I wouldn’t leave him or if I was a real Christian I would stay by his side.”

Yes, I realize we will go through things in a relationship like pain, sorrow, loss along with joy, peace, love and happiness.  Because that is life, but we can control suffering at the hands of our abusers.  There is help and we can take back our lives-take responsibility to change our life for our children and ourself.  Love Doesn’t Hurt, read 1 Corinthians 13:4,5,6,7,13

4 Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. 13 And now these remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.

The Bible is the truth.

Our abuser beat and attacks us for control and that is the time when they are in the most control.  Please know that love is not insecure, neglect, angry and mean.  We though our abusers loved us and we truly loved them and somehow wanted to change them.  But the truth is, they have to change themselves, just like you have to change you.  We confused those feeling for love, now we know it was fear, lack of love, hurt.  Because Love Doesn’t have to Hurt. Love Doesn’t have to Hurt Inspirational guide for Women in domestic violence coming out October 2015 please look out for it.

Be blessed, Be kind and share with others

Denise

Tips to help prevent child sexual abuse

TyKaihugWe love our children and need to keep them safe.  It’s our responsibility as parents or guardians to protect them.  Taking responsibility is the first step.

  1.  We are busy with our jobs and life, but we must stay connected with our children.  Be aware of what they watch on television, computer use and other technology.
  2. Set up boundaries.  Family boundaries to teach respect for yourself and other family members.  If you respect you, you can also respect others.
  3. Teach it’s okay to say “No”. I respect your privacy.
  4. Talk about the things that are bothering you.
  5. Speak up if you see or hear inappropriate behavior.
  6. It’s okay to report anything you think is sexual abuse against anyone.
  7. Tell your children the proper name for their body parts.
  8. Teach your children about good touches, bad touches, sexual touches and what’s not okay.
  9. Teach your children about good secrets and bad secrets.
  10. Let your children know if anybody tell them,”they will hurt your parents or they will not believe you.  Don’t believe them.”  As your parent or guardian I will always believe you and you will not be in trouble.

Thank you for taking your time to read and comment on my article.  Also share with others.

Denise

Warning Signs ~ Teen Domestic Violence

Teens

February is teen dating violence awareness month

April is sexual assault awareness month

Statistics from loveisrespect.org

  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
  • One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
  • One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
  • Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced.

A warning means act now or get out before the exploration

1.  If you are called bad words, verbally abusing or names over the phone/text or chat

2.  Threatening to help you or self if you don’t do what they ask you to do

3.  Minimizing your feeling or thoughts, like what you say don’t matter

4.  Coercing you into sending sexual pictures, which is a crime

5.  Demanding your phone and password, or on your social media sites

6.  Threatening to post humiliating information about you or lying on you

7.  Keeping you away from family or friends.

8.  Checking up on you or following you

9.  Getting angry if you can’t spend time with him

10.  Blaming you

11.  Extremely jealous, moody or insecure

12.  Physically hitting

13. Explosive temper

14. You are afraid to disagree with your boyfriend or girlfriend because what they might do.

These are some of the warning signs, please tell your parents, a trusted friend and police

Be safe,

Denise

Know the Signs of domestic violence

Hello Family and Friends,

Here are the Signs of domestic violence, once you recognize the signs you can get help to get out.

1.  Physical abuse – hitting, kicking , choking, slaps and punching.

2.  Sexual abuse – making you have sex when you don’t want it or forces sexual acts.

3.  Emotional abuse – Calling you bad names.  Intimidates you with words, weapons,  and threatens you.

Threatens to hurt themself or take/hurt the children.

He has unrealistic expectations.  Controls what you wear or where you go or who you can see.  Keep you away from family and friends.

He or she plays mind games,making you think it is your fault.

Always Placing blames on someone else for his behavior.

Being unfaithful.

Cause embarrassment on purpose.

Destroy your happiness.

4.  Economically abuse – destroy your belongs or your property or the pet.  Controls the money. Take or keep the money from you.

5. Psychological abuse – You are afraid and intimidated of your abuser.  Isolation.

6. You are experiencing post trauma stress.

Keep important papers from you.

Causes you to lose your job.

If you are experiencing any of these signs then you are living with domestic violence.

Please start keeping a journal of the abuse with date and time.  Gather important papers and clothing keep in a safe place.  Plan your departure and practice a safety plan.

There are people and place that can help.  Love doesn’t have to hurt

Short term effects of domestic violence

Bruises, bites and marks

Black eyes and vision loss

bloody nose

hearing loss

Miscarriage

STD’s because he doesn’t want to wear a condom.

Murder

Long term effects of domestic violence

Headaches and back pain

Depression

eating disorder and trouble sleeping

Anxiety

Post traumatic stress disorder

Smoking, Alcohol or drug use

Suicide

Illness and diseases.

If this article helped you in anyway.  Please post comments and share with others.

Thanks,

Blessing to all,

Denise

Please leave any question, comments and share with others.

What Are We Showing Our Chilldren

TyKaihugHi family and friends,

My name is Denise and I am speaking from my own experiences. I grew up with both of my parents. My mom was very passive and submissive to my dad. My mom was a loving mom not only to her children, but other people too. In turn, my dad was very abusive and abused alcohol. Growing up witnessing domestic violence in the home hurt very much. It affected the whole family negatively. I was afraid most of the time, because I did not know why or when my dad was going to be abusive. I also learned not to trust a lot of people. I learned to be on guard, to protect myself. I was powerless to change the abuse we experienced. Because I didn’t know how to. As I got older I prayed a lot. In school, I was withdrawn and not involved in a lot of activities. I had a lot of nightmares. Just sharing some of the things I went through. MY whole life consisted of home, school and church. Did I tell, what was going on with me? NO. As I got older, I continued to be passive and lacked confidence. So, I am asking…What are you showing are children?

Just think a minute. We are role models to our family, friends and others, they are looking at us. Growing up I saw or heard my daddy yelling and used bad words. I saw and felt emotional and physical abuse, as a child, I thought it was okay, a normal way of life. After going through sexual, emotional and domestic violence myself. Over time, I learned better and I want to share with others, mainly children, that it’s not okay to hurt others. Love doesn’t have to hurt. You learn to forgive and heal from domestic violence. And the healing process does take time.

If you want your children and others to do positive things, we have to show or teach them positive things. Talking to others with respect. And teaching problem-solving when you have disagreements. Use loving words not fight with words or hit with your hands.

If you want responsible children, we have to show and teach our children how to be responsible. How to make money, then save a portion, give a portion to the church and share a portion with someone in need.

If you want trustworthy children, we have to show and teach our children how to be trustworthy. By telling the truth and showing loyalty and have values.

It is so very important to teach our children the way they should go. We are blessed with beautiful babies to love, cherish, teach, disciple, and show the Love of Jesus.

Our children are the next generation. The future president, lawyer, dentist, preacher, with endless possibilities. Let’s do our very best to make sure our children do the best and get the best by teaching and showing them the Love of Jesus. We all need to pattern our life after Jesus, to be our very best.

Children do what they see you do. Please remember domestic violence is not the answer to a problem, but the problem. Once we love and respect ourself, we can love and respect others. It always start with us and at home.

God bless you,

Denise

Thank you for visiting and please leave a message, a thought or a quote.

Faith from the Inside Out

Hi Family and Friends,

“Faith from the Inside Out” is a screenplay 2nd part of my book “Love Doesn’t have to Hurt”   With prayer I am developing and writing for families living with or surviving domestic violence.   “Faith from the Inside Out” purpose is to inspire,  change lives for a better you.  It’s about a series of life challenges designed for families, especially children.  It will be written,  Illustrated and easy to understand teaching about Faith, Love and Forgiveness.  It will satisfy curiosity and  promote growth  shown with vivid colors, drawing, coloring and reading.  Through the process learning without Faith ~ to ~ learning with Faith, Love and Forgiveness how it will work in your life.  Please look out for my new book series, that I have the pleasure and opportunity to share with you.  Please checkout this link from my Pastor Creflo Dollar

http://www.worldchangers.org/Monthly-ObeyFaith.aspx

the best,

Denise

The Keys to Empowerment ~ end domestic violence

Hi Everyone,

It is very important that we make a difference.  And that difference is showing love. What Legacy will you leave for others to follow?

Speaking from experience, I learned being positive in everything you do and say will promote Empowerment for healthy life.  If that mean forgive my abuser then I forgive.
Remembering Love doesn’t have to hurt.  And I think my abuser is hurting and he took it out on the person closest to him.

What’s in a man’s heart, so is he, which I find this statement to be true. Whatever is going on in the inside of you will come out or show on the outside. What difference are you making in the lives of others?  What Legacy are you leaving or setting for others to follow?

The Keys to Empowerment:Forgiving your abuser

  • Think positive
  • Surround yourself with positive people
  • Have a forgiving heart
  • Make a difference
  • Give your money, time, and resources to others.
  • Learn and teach a life skill, like sewing, difference language, tutoring
  • Knowing when to be quiet
  • Listen to others
  • Stop judging
  • If you wasn’t an eyewitness then don’t share it or tell others
  • Let everything you do and say line up with God.
Thank you for reading, God bless you and keep smiling
Denise