If you experienced domestic violence or abuse, it’s very important to practice self-care of our bodies physically, emotionally, and mentally.
What is Self-Care? Self-care equal pamper yourself! Trust! Believe in you. You deserve to feel better, stronger, and more alive. When you practice self-care you rest and recharge makes your better, stronger and more alive.
Empowerment is self-care builds self-esteem, self-worth, and make your own decisions.
Things to make your life easier, and healthier:
1. Journal or List all your personal strengths and reflect on them often. Take time to prioritize your day.
2. List all the things you are grateful for and reasons why. Focus on the positive! Laugh. Smile often.
3. No one is perfect, so let that go.
4. Exercise 10 to 30 minutes daily.
5. Practice praying, meditation and breathing techniques.
6. Get enough sleep.
7. Drink plenty of water.
8. Remove people that are no good for you. Look for people you admire, or who can be your role model, or mentor.
9. Organize one room at a time.
10.Believe in yourself, you deserve it!
11. Listen to music.
12. Call a trusted friend or family member.
13. Sit on the porch. Enjoy fresh air and sunlight.
14. Take a shower using some homemade sugar scrubs.
15. Schedule a Spa night at home (facial, pedicure, and/or manicure)
16. Color, draw, write, or read.
17. Create your own vision board from magazines and writings.
18. Spend time alone.
19. Grab a glass of wine, tea, or coffee and sip in the tub. Be safe and responsible.
Remember you are worth it. Enjoy!
Come back next week for my breathing technique video.
When we forgive ourselves and/ or the person that hurt us, remember that it is for us! We need forgiveness for healing. You ask “how do you know if you need healing?” You are always mad, angry or unpleasant. When you hurt, it makes you sad, then it turns to anger. After a while it builds into depression.
The wrong time to make life decisions is when you are hurt or angry.
A lot of times, when we are hurt, we can’t hear from God or trusted family and friends. It is usually because we lost our faith and refuse to trust anyone.
If you want to feel better and be your best self forgive and start your healing process. Trust God! Renew your mind, body and soul. Remember you deserve it. Healing – Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt!
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Listen…no judgement. I’m writing from experience. Life has taught me to love myself. If I don’t love me, or value me no one else will. No one else will treat me better than I treat myself. Make time for you each day. No phones, computers or interruptions. Find a quiet space and focus on you.
I’m a child of the most high, so I must stand on that truth!
It all starts with me. Taking the best care I can of me. If that means praying, speaking affirmations, exercising, eating a balanced meal and practicing breathing techniques then DO IT! . I promise that you will not be disappointed.
When you are at your best self no one can put you down by telling lies to lower your self worth. That’s what abusers do. They tell lies to make you think you are crazy. You have to change the very thing that makes you special.
Our creator made us unique and special, no two people are alike. Are we perfect? No. No one is, but that’s okay.
When I love someone, I love all of them, flaws too. Is it wrong to want the same thing? No!
Love you and wait patiently until the right person comes along.
“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”
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We can overcome any thing we put our minds to, especially domestic violence and abuse. Determination. I did! Now I am safe, I have joy and happiness. I have forgiven my abusers and I have forgiven my seIf. I lived with my abuser for 15 years. Because I moved too fast and lacked knowledge and support I spent another seven years in an abusive relationship. I cannot promise the road to overcoming abuse will be easy or the process time will be short but with support, knowledge and determination you can do it too. What I can promise, is that you can do it. We have to learn to love and trust ourselves again. At a point in our lives we lost the love and trust, and in turn, opened the door to the abuse. Please understand that you did not deserve it. People that abuse others learned that by watching others that abused. They saw it as a way of control. Somebody hurt them, so they hurt others. If it never got dealt with, then the cycle of abuse continues. Only when the cycle of abuse is broken, healing comes. We thought we were in love and didn’t know the warning signs of abuse. Once you realize you are in an abusive relationship seek help and support to plan and make a way of escape for you and your children. Knowledge is power! Counseling will help with you to build and rebuild relationships. The first step is to admit you are loved by God. God is the true Healer. You are Awesome, amazing and worth it and in control of your life. We are the only one that can make decisions for ourselves and our children. We have the power to keep ourselves and children safe and not worry about the next time. Live in a healthy environment because we know that we deserve the best. God only wants the best for his Children and He will never leave or forsake us. God’s word is the truth and we can depend on Him. When you are free from your abuser, you will begin to learn how to live without them. You begin to start your life anew. Start walking, sleeping and eating the right way. Do things that you use to do, that made you happy, like reading, writing, participating in or watching sporting events, just to name a few. Now that you know, that you know, pass it on to others in need. The lesson is to keep control and watch out and know the warning signs to avoid. You will have a great relationship when the time is right. And remember to pass love and encouragement on to someone else.
According to the dictionary rape means to force (someone) to have sex with you by using violence or the threat of violence. Date-Rape is the crime of forcing someone you know to have sex with you especially while on a date.
It hurt when you are raped. And it also hurt when some people asked questions like, “What were you wearing? Were you at his house?” It doesn’t matter. It’s not your fault.
If you wanted to at first and changed your mind. And they do it anyway, it’s wrong.
The person that raped you are at fault.
80% of rapes are carried out by someone you know. (Statistics from RAINN.org)
I was newly divorced, a single mom putting the pieces of my life back together. A friend of mine picked me up for a date. He invited me over to see a movie. I was awakened by him raping me. Happens next!
What happens after you have been raped?
You are not alone. Get to a safe place, tell a trusted friend or family member. Then go to the hospital to get your injuries treated and have a rape kit done.
Preparation before the rape kit:
1. Don’t eat or drink anything.
2. Don’t pee, brush your teeth or bathe.
I know, the first thing you want to do is shower or bathe. You can’t because they need the evidence. They also need to keep your clothes and underwear.
After the rape kit, you don’t have to talk to the police unless you want. If you go to the police station, you have three choices:
1. After the rape kit, you can press and file charges against your abuser. In some states if, you are filing charges they have funds available to pay for the hospital fees, visits and the lab work. They also can pay for loss wages and legal fees. So check with your state.
2. After the rape kit, you don’t have to press and file charges.
3. After the rape kit, you can file charges but you can do it without using your name on the documents.
The journey to recovery is hard, intense and long. Get involved in a local church. Strengthen your relationship with God, He is the true Healer. It is also important to have a good counselor and have a great support system. Overcoming the trauma of rape remember that you are loved, you have worth and you are not responsible for what happen to you.
In my experience, you will have flashbacks and anxiety, but it is light at the end of your journey. Break the silence – Always tell and let the healing begin. Please post any questions or comments. Thanks for visiting and come again.
God is love, the true Healer. I don’t think God wanted us to continue to accept and live with someone hurting us, which is domestic violence. When I was with my abusive ex-husband, he always said, “If I loved him, I wouldn’t leave him or if I was a real Christian I would stay by his side.”
Yes, I realize we will go through things in a relationship like pain, sorrow, loss along with joy, peace, love and happiness. Because that is life, but we can control suffering at the hands of our abusers. There is help and we can take back our lives-take responsibility to change our life for our children and ourself. Love Doesn’t Hurt, read 1 Corinthians 13:4,5,6,7,13
4 Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. 13 And now these remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
The Bible is the truth.
Our abuser beat and attacks us for control and that is the time when they are in the most control. Please know that love is not insecure, neglect, angry and mean. We though our abusers loved us and we truly loved them and somehow wanted to change them. But the truth is, they have to change themselves, just like you have to change you. We confused those feeling for love, now we know it was fear, lack of love, hurt. Because Love Doesn’t have to Hurt. Love Doesn’t have to Hurt Inspirational guide for Women in domestic violence coming out October 2015 please look out for it.
We love our children and need to keep them safe. It’s our responsibility as parents or guardians to protect them. Taking responsibility is the first step.
We are busy with our jobs and life, but we must stay connected with our children. Be aware of what they watch on television, computer use and other technology.
Set up boundaries. Family boundaries to teach respect for yourself and other family members. If you respect you, you can also respect others.
Teach it’s okay to say “No”. I respect your privacy.
Talk about the things that are bothering you.
Speak up if you see or hear inappropriate behavior.
It’s okay to report anything you think is sexual abuse against anyone.
Tell your children the proper name for their body parts.
Teach your children about good touches, bad touches, sexual touches and what’s not okay.
Teach your children about good secrets and bad secrets.
Let your children know if anybody tell them,”they will hurt your parents or they will not believe you. Don’t believe them.” As your parent or guardian I will always believe you and you will not be in trouble.
Thank you for taking your time to read and comment on my article. Also share with others.