Children living in home with Domestic Abuse

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Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain power and control over another person.  Statistics states 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.  With that being said, think about how many children that’s experiencing domestic violence in the home.

Children living in a home with domestic abuse is more times likely to be depressed, have anxiety and afraid.  They also suffer abuse and neglect 30% to 60%.  More than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes every year.   And the third leading cause of homelessness among families.

Domestic violence is not just a family thing but it’s a community thing.  It cost more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work and medical treatment.  This is what I mean- Parents we are responsible for our children.  Take our babies to church and learn the ways of Jesus Christ.  When our babies grow up with good manners and morals and love God.  When you love God, you will love yourself and you will choose good.  It might not work this way for everybody but it’s better than doing nothing.

When you are broken mentally and physically you are vulnerable.  It’s easier for you to live with domestic violence and abuse.  Please think of your children.  If you are living with domestic violence get help.  It is time to save you and your children.  God loves you and you deserve the best.

Signs of Physical Abuse on Children

1. Bruise, burns, cuts, broken bones, scars

2. Acting out at home and school.

3. Shy away

4. Sudden jumping, flinches thinking you are going to get hit.

Signs of Emotional Abuse on Children

1. Attitude and mood changes.

2.Bedwetting and developmental delays

3. Doesn’t bond with abusive parent

4. Withdrawn

5. Passive behavior

6. Rocking or thumbsucking.

Signs of Sexual Abuse on Children

1. Sexually touching other children.

2.Depression.

3. Afraid to be alone.

4. Pain, itching and bleeding from private parts.

5. It’s hurts to walk or sit.

6. Suicide

Practice safety plan and teach your children word that you would say when you need help from your abuser.

Be safe,

Denise

Leave any comments or questions.

Tips to help prevent child sexual abuse

TyKaihugWe love our children and need to keep them safe.  It’s our responsibility as parents or guardians to protect them.  Taking responsibility is the first step.

  1.  We are busy with our jobs and life, but we must stay connected with our children.  Be aware of what they watch on television, computer use and other technology.
  2. Set up boundaries.  Family boundaries to teach respect for yourself and other family members.  If you respect you, you can also respect others.
  3. Teach it’s okay to say “No”. I respect your privacy.
  4. Talk about the things that are bothering you.
  5. Speak up if you see or hear inappropriate behavior.
  6. It’s okay to report anything you think is sexual abuse against anyone.
  7. Tell your children the proper name for their body parts.
  8. Teach your children about good touches, bad touches, sexual touches and what’s not okay.
  9. Teach your children about good secrets and bad secrets.
  10. Let your children know if anybody tell them,”they will hurt your parents or they will not believe you.  Don’t believe them.”  As your parent or guardian I will always believe you and you will not be in trouble.

Thank you for taking your time to read and comment on my article.  Also share with others.

Denise

Warning Signs ~ Teen Domestic Violence

Teens

February is teen dating violence awareness month

April is sexual assault awareness month

Statistics from loveisrespect.org

  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
  • One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
  • One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
  • Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced.

A warning means act now or get out before the exploration

1.  If you are called bad words, verbally abusing or names over the phone/text or chat

2.  Threatening to help you or self if you don’t do what they ask you to do

3.  Minimizing your feeling or thoughts, like what you say don’t matter

4.  Coercing you into sending sexual pictures, which is a crime

5.  Demanding your phone and password, or on your social media sites

6.  Threatening to post humiliating information about you or lying on you

7.  Keeping you away from family or friends.

8.  Checking up on you or following you

9.  Getting angry if you can’t spend time with him

10.  Blaming you

11.  Extremely jealous, moody or insecure

12.  Physically hitting

13. Explosive temper

14. You are afraid to disagree with your boyfriend or girlfriend because what they might do.

These are some of the warning signs, please tell your parents, a trusted friend and police

Be safe,

Denise

Part 2 of Forgiveness Introducing my Guest Blogger

A couple weeks ago we talked about Forgiveness. My guest blogger is Vivian.  I interviewed Vivian on the steps of forgiveness she’s taken.  Bringing Part 2 of Forgiveness

Vivian’s word of wisdom on Forgiveness. Vivian’s speaking from experience, while growing up she had to endure betrayal from people that supposed to love her.

Learning to forgive and let go of the past. The past doesn’t mean last year, it could be last week, or even yesterday.

Step 1
Give your life to Jesus Christ and have Relationship with God
The first thing, realize the Love of God. John 3:16
The first fruit of the Spirit is Love
Manifest that Love, and walk in the fruit of the Spirit.
First Fruit is the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Long-Suffering, Goodness, Kindness, Faithfulness, Meekness and Self-Control.

Step 2
Read Psalms 23 Daily That I may see God face in the scriptures

Step 3
Believe

Step 4

If you never forgive, how can you go or move forward?

Think of this: “If you say I forgive you butI will never forget.” Then if you are always bring it up then you’re still in bondage to it. Meaning you haven’t forgiven.

When you truly forgive…
True forgiven comes through the Grace of God because God takes the hurt and pain out of it. God gives you his Beauty for our ashes.

Quote
I can forgive but It can’t forget, its only another way of saying I will not forgive. A Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note, torn in two and burned up, so that it can never be shown against the person.
Henry Ward Beecher

Please leave comments and share my blog with others.

 

Best,

Denise

I am a Girl

forgiveness

  Never forget who you are, who you belong to, what you want to do or want to be.

 And everything that God made is Worthy. Beautiful. Unique. Special.  It doesn’t matter that we are not perfect.  No one is. Never forget that.

 Remember all the things that made you laugh, the funny jokes and stories you shared.  All the secrets you held fr0m your friends that made the bond stronger.  The ups and downs of life’s discovery.

  In the world around us where we see good and evil.  If you ever experienced domestic violence or emotional abuse. It’s not your fault.  You can break the cycle of abuse only when you are ready to let go, forgive and to heal.  No matter what people say or do, always stay true to you.

Never forget who you are, who you belongs to, what you want to do or want to be.

I am a Girl.

 

 

Thank you for visiting and come again. Please leave messages or comment below.

 

 

Deciding to Leave Your Abuser

Deciding to leave your abuser.  If you are hoping, and praying your abuser will change?

It good to pray.  They have to let God change them.  You can’t change them.  Real change comes from the person. The abuse will happen again, if they don’t seek counseling from a domestic violence counselor.  Create a support system of trusted family and friends.  There is also agencies in your area.

Things to do.  Please keep  private from your abuser.  Keep a journal to document the abuse.  Collect important papers and clothing in a safe place.  Extra set of keys.  Notify your job, school or daycare.

Abusers have deep rooted emotional and probably psychological problems.  It takes time to change.    The hardest part is leaving and you worry about what will happen once you leave.  Love Doesn’t have to Hurt.

Signs that your abuser is not changing:

1. He minimizes that abuse

2. He tells you if you wouldn’t have done this or that then it wouldn’t happen

3. You have to push them to seek counseling

4.  If you leave, they will commit suicide or kill you.

5.  He pressures you

6. Know your abuser

7. Be safe by making up a code to use in a time of emergency

8.  Identify safe places in the home

9. Make an escape plan

Be safe and seek help

All the best,

Denise

Thanks for reading and leave comment.

Happy New Year!

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Happy New Year Survivors!

It’s our time for new beginning 2017 is ours.  We have to decide  we are going to live or die.  We can’t continue let our abuser kill us mentally and physically. I choose LIFE.

Life is being our best self. Love Us.  If we make a mistake, let’s use  it as a learning experience and not continue to feel bad about it.

Now is the time to write that book, you always dreamed of writing.

Now is the time to visit or call that family member.

Now is the time for forgiveness and healing.

Now is the time to take that trip and take thousands of pictures.

Now is the time to complete that projects.

Do all the things you loved to do.  Life is too short, too precious to not treat each day as it is your last.

I love you, and I value you.

Happy New Year to New Beginning.

Please share, comment and pass on to someone that you care about.

Best,

ps.  Let me know how you feel about my logo

6 Tips on Talking with Teens about Domestic Abuse

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Love & Pain who would have thought this would be my life living as a Teen living with domestic violence in the home. 

Parents before you start a conversation with your teen, be natural and in a comfortable settings. Give your teen their favorite blanket.  Realizing that it’s hard for your teenager to see and hear violence in the home.  Especially with their parents.  Teens love both parents and it’s hard on them.  Be open and honest with them about the good and bad things.  Your teens will appreciate your honesty. Knowledge is Power.  Most times when teenagers experience domestic violence in the home they’re very upset and afraid.

Teenagers talk to other teenagers about their problems and fears. Please be calm when you talk and remember don’t force your teen to talk.  Encourage them to open up about their fears and what’s worrying them.

Remember to be available to talk with them when they are ready to talk with you.  Make sure your tone and body language line up.

It’s okay to ask your teen questions about them and what inspires them.Encourage them to get involved in sports, dance, exercising, writing and journaling.  All these to keep their minds of the the troubles at home.   Know their friends.

Most relationships start out good.  Then something bad happen to make their true self comes out.

If your child or children are seeing domestic violence in the home.

Tell them how much you love them. That’s it’s not their fault.
This is not the right way to deal with anger or problems. You are trying to make changes. We need to be in a safe place. I am so sorry you have to see and hear nasty things. Let”s learn together words and safety plan to keep us safe until we get out.

I love you so much.

Tips on teen dating abuse

1.  If they are checking your phone and reading your messages

2.  Telling you who you can be around or talk too.

3.  Calling you names and putting you down

4.  Forcing you to have sex

5.  Threatening you or stalking you

6.  Hitting, Choking, or Punching you

Tips on teens hurt by domestic violence

1.The child thinks about it all the time, may think it’s their fault.

2.Don’t understand what’s happening.

3. Either they don’t want to leave the house.  Withdraw

4. Don’t want to spend time at home.

5. Trouble sleeping and tired all the time.

6. Trouble at school, skipping classes.

 

Don’t want to talk about it.Call 911

Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-540-4000

Info line 7-800-339-6993

RAINN  1-800-656-4673

Please leave a comment or tip!

5 Tips on Healthy Relationships

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Sweetheart, I love you.  Can you please try not to yell when you are talking with me?

Okay, I will.  Thanks for letting me know.

Now that’s a healthy relationship.

Top 5 Tips

1.  A Healthy relationship have open and honest communication between spouses.  You are able to share your feelings without feeling afraid.

2.  A Healthy relationship you Respect each other, even if you don’t agree.

3.  A Healthy relationship encourage and empower one another, not crush or put downs each other dreams.

4.  A Healthy relationship has trust, so you feel comfortable if they are not with you.

5.  A Healthy relationship respect each other as individuals.  Giving each other room to grow and not feel threatened.

When I was in an abusive relationship I was afraid to express my feeling and living in fear.  I was not in a good place.  If you are in an abusive relationship, please get help.

Feel free to write a message or comment to help others!

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt & I Love ME books

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Comments about my book “Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt”

A powerful, rare view into the dark world of coercive control that also glitters with faith, courage, and resilience. Thank you for telling your story! Mary