Rebuilding after…Grace girl!

Domestic Violence and Emotional Abuse is one of the hardest things to survive. Just know you can do it! You are free from your abusive, please continue to safety plan. 

Tips:

  • Change your phone number and get caller ID.
  • Change your locks and check windows.
  • Change your work hours and your routes to and from work.
  • Tell family and friends to be alert.
  • Get a restraining order.

It’s time to think about you. When was the last time you did something just for you?  Think about what could  make you happy?  What brings you joy?  

Read a good book?  Get a facial? When was the last time? If you can’t answer, then it’s time you start PAMPERING  YOU!

Keys…You are so beautiful, loving and kind.  You spend so much of your time focusing on others.  Yes, they appreciate it.  And you feel good also. I know it’s hard rebuilding yourself after an abusive relationship. The journey is long but we are worth it.

Everyday we should thank God, eat a balanced meal, exercise, drink plenty of water and pray.

It’s also nice to have some me time.  If you love and appreciate yourself.  spend time with yourself, then you can carry so much more love over to others.  Joy and happiness comes from you and no one else.  Your family, friends and others may positively affect your mood sometimes.

Others love to be around people that are likable.

1.  Think about what you love about yourself?

2.  What makes you happy?

3.  What brings you joy?

4.  Instead of focusing on celebrating once you get that new job, or make your next million, have fun now!  Celebrate each day that God gives you breath.

Be blessed,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Grace Girls Bill of Rights for Survivors

I am me and I have a right to be ME.

I am a queen of the most high.

I have the right to feel safe and be safe at all times.

I have the right to feel love and be respected.

I am not perfect but deserve to be treated right.

I have the right to go and see who I want to see without fear.

I have the right to ask questions, make decisions that affect me.

I am my own person, with my own goals and needs.

Forgiveness

Love

“Can you do anything Right?” I just stood not moving, knowing I was doing my best.  God taught me to love with a pure heart. It’s hard to forgive the person that you trusted with your heart, love and life. You thought they love you the most because of their words. The betrayal. That person abused you for years.  The one person that you thought loved you, but they’re putting you down.  Telling you that you can’t do anything right. Called you out your name, and blamed you for their faults and mistakes.

When your spouse is hurting you they’re hurting themselves, because you are One.  But you must forgive. You have to learn how to deal with life’s hard knocks. We can do it, with hard work and determination. Forgiveness is for you. Us. Your life will truly change if you forgive.

The Process…Think about it?

We must find the love, the courage to forgive them. When you forgive them, only to free yourself. When you forgive them it is not only pleasing to God but it will be pleasing to you as well.  We must live our life to do good and that same goodness will one day come back to us.  Don’t worry it will find you.

It’s also wise to forgive when you have children together. Children love unconditional, with that being said your children will love the abuser anyway.  Please never talk bad about the other person.  Your children will find out in other ways.

What happens…..When you forgive:
1. You free yourself
2. You don’t feel anger or hate when someone bring up their name.
3. The thought of them, don’t mess you up inside.

4.Effect your day.
5. When you can stand to face them and be great.
6. Hear their voice. Remember what happen without the pain.

7.  You feel love and then you want to continue to share that love.

8.  You tell others, so they can be feel to love too.  After all, sharing is caring!

Victory
You must forgive everyone that hurt you. When you’re able to forgive, that’s when you’re healing process begins. Once your start you’re healing process, yes, it will hurt at first. Each day will get better and better.

Then you will grow and discover the love and beauty within you. Like a beautiful butterfly, blossoming flower, or praise dancing or Like a boy becoming a man.

I telling you this process because I lived with my abuser so many years and I have forgiven him and myself.  Forgiveness is so beautiful and its a gift you give yourself.  Forgiveness is Victory

Define what is forgiveness? Forgive, forgiveness is to give up resentment of or claim to requital for an insult. Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Please read what the Bible say about Forgiveness in a Biblical article.

Forgiveness is letting go of hurt and pain.

Thanks for reading and come again.

Bless,

Denise

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt

Leave comments.

I Love ME From Pieces Made Whole

Hi Everyone,

“I Love ME from Pieces Made Whole” children’s book ages 6 to 11 years old. The book promotes self-worth, reflections, hope, forgiveness and  to heal from domestic violence and abuse.  Published date April 2020.

Please post comments, about the book cover! What do you think?

IMG_1503

Love Yourself

It is so important to LOVE YOURSELF!  Guess what, you are beautiful loving and kind!  You are not perfect, and that’s okay because nobody is.  I’m smiling at you.

It’s so hard after leaving an abusive spouse because we love them so much and we believe in them.  We think about the future and the thought of growing old with them.  

Speaking of your future – In reality, we really can’t have a future with  someone who is so selfish who plans to abuse us only because we are nice, caring, nurturing and empathetic.

He wined and dined us.  Used all the right words and we fell in love.  After that the games began.

Remember all the silent treatment.  Up and down mood swings.  All the times you thought you was going crazy.  You weren’t going crazy because, it was him who was playing games with you. 

All the times you took him back.  All the promises to change.  All the abuse. He built you up only to destroy you by bringing  you down.

It’s time to drop him mentally and physically.  Get your healing on and start loving yourself.

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Loving you:

  1. Get a solid relationship with God.
  2. Tell yourself positive things.
  3. Pamper yourself
  4. Read a good book
  5. Acknowledge that you are worthy to be loved
  6. Trust your inner voice
  7. Do something everyday that you like
  8. Build yourself up!
  9. Ask for help if you need it.
  10. Utilize breathing techniques

I pray these things help you like they helped me.

Please comment and share.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt” 

 

The Effects of Domestic Violence and Abuse on the family. The Order of Protection Process

Domestic violence is very serious, it can affect men, women and children. Usually men are the abusers, but men can also be abused. When children  witness domestic violence, that’s trauma. Children are at a greater risk of having emotional, behavior issues, be sexually abused and have learning problems.

You can recover, but it will take hard work on your part. And you are going to have to want it. You should talk with God,  a trusted family member, friend or counselor.  God is the true healer. So please don’t leave Him out of your recovery.

It  will affect you mentally and physically. We’re not the same and things don’t affect everyone in the same way. When you are experiencing or living with domestic violence you don’t feel safe or secure most of the time, and it causes you to have trouble sleeping and dealing with life. Some days you don’t want to get out of bed to face the day. You start isolating yourself from family and friends. Your behavior changes at work or school. You begin to lose trust and faith in people. It causes you to feel helpless and hopeless because of the shame and guilt. But it is not your fault. It’s your abuser that has the problem and needs help. But they have to want to change.

I know, because I witnessed domestic violence as a child growing up, then I married a man, that I though loved me. Then again, I guess he did love me, but he had a problem and he abused me for many, many years. I stayed, because I didn’t know any better at first, then over time, I thought I could change him. I thought I could be enough for him to want to change.  That didn’t happen.

Now, I live to help others by sharing my story.

So why is it not recognized or why is it overlooked as a serious crime, especially if its emotional abuse vs physical abuse? I believe physical, emotional and sexual abuse are equally serious crimes and both of these problems should be addressed. Most cases involve men hitting, punching, threatening and emotionally abusing women. But men can get abused too. It also affects children growing up seeing and hearing their parents fight and witnessing the abuse.

Abuse kills your spirit, causes depression and low self-esteem.

The Cycle of Abuse goes in a circle like this: The abuse occurs. He then starts to feel guilty and then he makes excuses.  The fantasy begins –  he gives you flowers, candy, sweet talks you and then wants to make love with you.  Then the setup – the abuse starts again!

Verbal, physical and emotional abuse done to your spouse or partner is done to dominate and control. There are also more ways to abuse the other person  – like financial abuse, spiritual abuse, abusing a pet and sexual abuse.

Abuse

Guilt

Excuses

Normal behavior

Fantasy

Setup

The first step is recognizing the abuse. Once you realize you are being abused decide if you are going to leave or stay in the relationship. Please protect yourself. Utilize people, agencies and resources that are out there to help. If you decide you want to get an order of protection – go to your local courthouse.  The service is free for domestic violence cases. You have to fill out the paperwork and you have to be very detailed and honest.  There are also clerks in the office to answer questions.  After you turn in your paperwork, a judge will look over them and may need to speak with you.  At that time you may be granted a temporary protection order and you will get four copies.  One copy for yourself, the police department, the courts and then your abuser will be served.  If you have a picture of him and describe him it will make it easier for him to be located and served.  You will then be given a court date if all of the facts go in your favor you should receive a permanent Oder of Protection.  Be safe – Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt!

God bless,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Please leave any question or comments.

Jewelry for Survivors

Hello Everyone, it is always a pleasure to share with you.  Check out this jewelry for a cause  – for survivors of domestic violence, sexual abuse, emotional and financial abuse.

mkt.com/skycustomdesigns

Please leave a comment and share with others.

Be blessed,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

How to Stand in Your Power After You Leave

Hello to everyone

To those of you who have been in an abusive relationship and found the courage to leave, we are not alone.  We are still standing! We are standing in our truth!  We are standing in our strength! We are standing in our Power!  Many of us had to make the decision to leave the person who told us they loved us the most.  But remember,  “Love doesn’t have to hurt”.

I am so glad you decided to leave and you are in a safe place.  The most important thing is that you and your children are safe.  And if you don’t have children, then you are safe.

When I left my abusive relationship I had a girlfriend that I confided in and I also attended counseling with an agency for domestic violence in my area.  If you have a girlfriend, family member or are residing in a shelter, praise God you are safe.

Yes, you are going to miss him and yes, he is going to try to convince you to come back home, if he knows where you are.  Continue to be strong and each day it will get easier and easier.  Stand in your power after leaving!

What helped me after taking him back a thousand times was to start journaling. When I thought about all the good times, which didn’t amount to a lot, I read the journal again to keep me focused on what I had to do. I also realized that he really didn’t love me and didn’t care about me and I am better without him.  I grew tired of listening to the broken promises and dreams. I also realized that he choose me because I had a good heart and spirit, only to use me. Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt.

If you decide to go back, be safe and have a safety plan and back up plan in place. Make sure he attends counseling for domestic violence.  Regular counseling or anger management will not address the problems of domestic violence.

It took me awhile to get to where I am today. I left and went back to him several times before I finally left for good.  Never forget that God loves you and you are beautiful and very special.  Love yourself and be safe.

Thanks for reading and share. Please leave a comment.

Best and be safe,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

I am a Girl

forgiveness

  Never forget who you are, who you belong to, what you want to do or want to be.

 And everything that God made is Worthy. Beautiful. Unique. Special.  It doesn’t matter that we are not perfect.  No one is. Never forget that.

 Remember all the things that made you laugh, the funny jokes and stories you shared.  All the secrets you held fr0m your friends that made the bond stronger.  The ups and downs of life’s discovery.

  In the world around us where we see good and evil.  If you ever experienced domestic violence or emotional abuse. It’s not your fault.  You can break the cycle of abuse only when you are ready to let go, forgive and to heal.  No matter what people say or do, always stay true to you.

Never forget who you are, who you belongs to, what you want to do or want to be.

I am a Girl.

 

 

Thank you for visiting and come again. Please leave messages or comment below.

 

 

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt & I Love ME books

I created my fundraising page with Indiegogo.com and want to share it with you.

lovedoesnthavetohurt1

http://igg.me/at/dhLOVE/x/12731677

If you have a moment, take a look and spread the word.

 

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Comments about my book “Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt”

A powerful, rare view into the dark world of coercive control that also glitters with faith, courage, and resilience. Thank you for telling your story! Mary