6 Tips on Talking with Teens about Domestic Abuse

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Love & Pain who would have thought this would be my life living as a Teen living with domestic violence in the home. 

Parents before you start a conversation with your teen, be natural and in a comfortable settings. Give your teen their favorite blanket.  Realizing that it’s hard for your teenager to see and hear violence in the home.  Especially with their parents.  Teens love both parents and it’s hard on them.  Be open and honest with them about the good and bad things.  Your teens will appreciate your honesty. Knowledge is Power.  Most times when teenagers experience domestic violence in the home they’re very upset and afraid.

Teenagers talk to other teenagers about their problems and fears. Please be calm when you talk and remember don’t force your teen to talk.  Encourage them to open up about their fears and what’s worrying them.

Remember to be available to talk with them when they are ready to talk with you.  Make sure your tone and body language line up.

It’s okay to ask your teen questions about them and what inspires them.Encourage them to get involved in sports, dance, exercising, writing and journaling.  All these to keep their minds of the the troubles at home.   Know their friends.

Most relationships start out good.  Then something bad happen to make their true self comes out.

If your child or children are seeing domestic violence in the home.

Tell them how much you love them. That’s it’s not their fault.
This is not the right way to deal with anger or problems. You are trying to make changes. We need to be in a safe place. I am so sorry you have to see and hear nasty things. Let”s learn together words and safety plan to keep us safe until we get out.

I love you so much.

Tips on teen dating abuse

1.  If they are checking your phone and reading your messages

2.  Telling you who you can be around or talk too.

3.  Calling you names and putting you down

4.  Forcing you to have sex

5.  Threatening you or stalking you

6.  Hitting, Choking, or Punching you

Tips on teens hurt by domestic violence

1.The child thinks about it all the time, may think it’s their fault.

2.Don’t understand what’s happening.

3. Either they don’t want to leave the house.  Withdraw

4. Don’t want to spend time at home.

5. Trouble sleeping and tired all the time.

6. Trouble at school, skipping classes.

 

Don’t want to talk about it.Call 911

Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-540-4000

Info line 7-800-339-6993

RAINN  1-800-656-4673

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Faith from the Inside Out

Hi Family and Friends,

“Faith from the Inside Out” is a screenplay 2nd part of my book “Love Doesn’t have to Hurt”   With prayer I am developing and writing for families living with or surviving domestic violence.   “Faith from the Inside Out” purpose is to inspire,  change lives for a better you.  It’s about a series of life challenges designed for families, especially children.  It will be written,  Illustrated and easy to understand teaching about Faith, Love and Forgiveness.  It will satisfy curiosity and  promote growth  shown with vivid colors, drawing, coloring and reading.  Through the process learning without Faith ~ to ~ learning with Faith, Love and Forgiveness how it will work in your life.  Please look out for my new book series, that I have the pleasure and opportunity to share with you.  Please checkout this link from my Pastor Creflo Dollar

http://www.worldchangers.org/Monthly-ObeyFaith.aspx

the best,

Denise

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt & I Love ME books

I created my fundraising page with Indiegogo.com and want to share it with you.

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http://igg.me/at/dhLOVE/x/12731677

If you have a moment, take a look and spread the word.

 

If you feel motivated to also contribute with a donation that will be very much appreciated!  Thank you for your support!

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Comments about my book “Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt”

A powerful, rare view into the dark world of coercive control that also glitters with faith, courage, and resilience. Thank you for telling your story! Mary

 

Safety Plan – Domestic Violence and Abusse

This is to all my sisters living with domestic violence and abuse.   Are you confused living with your abusers,  not knowing how they are going to act from one minute to the next.  I was.  Wandering if it’s something that I have done.  We are continually changing  ourselves, not realizing they have the control to change themselves.  We all have choices to make, you have to decide what we say and do.  We don’t have to be abuse others.  Understand, you control your anger and emotions.  They can too.  I am not telling you nothing that I haven’t been through my self.  I had to learn this and I also had to get the strength to move on.

Before you leave, you must have a plan.   A successful plan that will keep you and your children safe.  Once you decide to leave or have left, please know,  these are the most dangerous times.

For one, your abuser don’t want you to go.  Secondly, once you leave your abuser is going to want you back.  So it is very important that you stay safe.  These are safety tips if you are planning to leave and some for after you have gone.

You are not alone, when I decide to leave my abuser I had to plan it out to keep my children safe.  Was it scary?  Yes.  Did I try to talk myself out of it?  Yes.  Did  I want my children to have their father? Yes.   But I also had to realize that he was hurting us.  He was not trying to change, so I had to do what I could to keep us safe.  Please use these tips whenever you decide to use them.

Planning to Leave

1. If you drive, leave the driver door unlooked, hide a extra key.

2. Have information papers, cash along with clothing for you and children in a safe place.

3. Have a cellphone or domestic violence cellphone to call 911.

4.  Make sure you are not being following and change your routes.

5. Learn special code words with your children, so you can use in case of  emergencies.

6. Memorize important numbers

7. Know shelters, crisis lines and churches in your area

8. Let your children schools, daycare know your situation to remove the abuser off the pick up form.

9.  Get outside help to assure you have a safe place to go.

10. Make sure you and the children learn a safe way out of the home in case of fire or violent attack.

11.  Know all the safe places in your neighborhood like hospitals, gas stations, police station and friends                  house.

12.  Make a budget?  Try to save money.

13.  Document any abuse with pictures, diary, and record phone calls.  This is helpful when you call the police and helpful after you leave.  You can get an order of protection and help with legal fees.

Once you Leave

1. Stay in well lighted areas.

2. Screen all phone calls, even after you change your number.

3.  Be careful when you use computers, cell phone, GPS, stores, telephone and utilities company all can give        your location.

4.  Get unlisted phone number

5.  Make sure you are not being followed.

6.  Change your routes often.

7.  Make sure you are the only one to pick up the children.

8.  Make sure the schools, daycare and your job know your situation.

9.  You are in a safe place

10.  If you have to see your abuser, make sure you are not alone and make sure it’s in a public place.

God bless you and be safe,

Denise

The Keys to Empowerment ~ end domestic violence

Hi Everyone,

It is very important that we make a difference.  And that difference is showing love. What Legacy will you leave for others to follow?

Speaking from experience, I learned being positive in everything you do and say will promote Empowerment for healthy life.  If that mean forgive my abuser then I forgive.
Remembering Love doesn’t have to hurt.  And I think my abuser is hurting and he took it out on the person closest to him.

What’s in a man’s heart, so is he, which I find this statement to be true. Whatever is going on in the inside of you will come out or show on the outside. What difference are you making in the lives of others?  What Legacy are you leaving or setting for others to follow?

The Keys to Empowerment:Forgiving your abuser

  • Think positive
  • Surround yourself with positive people
  • Have a forgiving heart
  • Make a difference
  • Give your money, time, and resources to others.
  • Learn and teach a life skill, like sewing, difference language, tutoring
  • Knowing when to be quiet
  • Listen to others
  • Stop judging
  • If you wasn’t an eyewitness then don’t share it or tell others
  • Let everything you do and say line up with God.
Thank you for reading, God bless you and keep smiling
Denise