Prevent Teen Violence and Abuse

Teens this is for you. Your life Matters. Love every part of you.

February is teen dating violence awareness month

April is sexual assault awareness month

Statistics from loveisrespect.org

  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
  • One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
  • One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
  • Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced.

A warning means act now or get out before the exploration

1.  If you are called bad words, verbally abusing or names over the phone/text or chat end the relationship.

2.  Threatening you or self if you don’t do what they ask you to do.

3.  Minimizing your feeling or thoughts, like what you say don’t matter.

4.  Coercing you into sending sexual pictures, which is a crime.

5.  Demanding your phone and password, or on your social media sites.

6.  Threatening to post humiliating information about you or lying on you.

7.  Keeping you away from family or friends.

8.  Checking up on you or following you.

9.  Getting angry if you can’t spend time with him.

10.  Blaming yo.u

11.  Extremely jealous, moody or insecure.

12.  Physically hitting.

13. Explosive temper

14. You are afraid to disagree with your boyfriend or girlfriend because what they might do.

These are some of the warning signs, please tell your parents, a trusted friend and police.

I plan to publish teen book Oct/Nov 2020 “I Love Me from Pieces Made Whole” just for you. Check out the new cover. What you think?

Grace girls rock, remember love doesn’t have to hurt.

Be safe,

Denise

Please comment and feel free to share post. Thank you for reading and visiting the site.

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt Appreciate Life

I don’t know your story, but I’m going to share my story with you.

Your abuser is not going to change, unless he wants too.  Domestic violence is power and control over their initiate partner.

It’s my passion to educate little girls, teens and women about domestic violence and abuse to discuss keys to a healthy relationship.

To talk about your hurt and pain is freeing. First step to heal the little girl inside of you.  Remember all things are possible through Jesus Christ! The sky is the limit.  

We have to model positive words, deeds, and actions to show girls they are worthy.  To let them know they are to be treated with love and respect. 

I am so thankful and blessed!  I can share hope of healing from domestic violence and together we can end domestic violence.

My book “Love Doesn’t have to Hurt”  is an inspirational guide for women dealing with the topic of domestic violence and abuse.  The release date is scheduled for October 2020.

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Love Yourself

It is so important to LOVE YOURSELF!  Guess what, you are beautiful loving and kind!  You are not perfect, and that’s okay because nobody is.  I’m smiling at you.

It’s so hard after leaving an abusive spouse because we love them so much and we believe in them.  We think about the future and the thought of growing old with them.  

Speaking of your future – In reality, we really can’t have a future with  someone who is so selfish who plans to abuse us only because we are nice, caring, nurturing and empathetic.

He wined and dined us.  Used all the right words and we fell in love.  After that the games began.

Remember all the silent treatment.  Up and down mood swings.  All the times you thought you was going crazy.  You weren’t going crazy because, it was him who was playing games with you. 

All the times you took him back.  All the promises to change.  All the abuse. He built you up only to destroy you by bringing  you down.

It’s time to drop him mentally and physically.  Get your healing on and start loving yourself.

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Loving you:

  1. Get a solid relationship with God.
  2. Tell yourself positive things.
  3. Pamper yourself
  4. Read a good book
  5. Acknowledge that you are worthy to be loved
  6. Trust your inner voice
  7. Do something everyday that you like
  8. Build yourself up!
  9. Ask for help if you need it.
  10. Utilize breathing techniques

I pray these things help you like they helped me.

Please comment and share.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt” 

 

How to Stand in Your Power After You Leave

Hello to everyone

To those of you who have been in an abusive relationship and found the courage to leave, we are not alone.  We are still standing! We are standing in our truth!  We are standing in our strength! We are standing in our Power!  Many of us had to make the decision to leave the person who told us they loved us the most.  But remember,  “Love doesn’t have to hurt”.

I am so glad you decided to leave and you are in a safe place.  The most important thing is that you and your children are safe.  And if you don’t have children, then you are safe.

When I left my abusive relationship I had a girlfriend that I confided in and I also attended counseling with an agency for domestic violence in my area.  If you have a girlfriend, family member or are residing in a shelter, praise God you are safe.

Yes, you are going to miss him and yes, he is going to try to convince you to come back home, if he knows where you are.  Continue to be strong and each day it will get easier and easier.  Stand in your power after leaving!

What helped me after taking him back a thousand times was to start journaling. When I thought about all the good times, which didn’t amount to a lot, I read the journal again to keep me focused on what I had to do. I also realized that he really didn’t love me and didn’t care about me and I am better without him.  I grew tired of listening to the broken promises and dreams. I also realized that he choose me because I had a good heart and spirit, only to use me. Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt.

If you decide to go back, be safe and have a safety plan and back up plan in place. Make sure he attends counseling for domestic violence.  Regular counseling or anger management will not address the problems of domestic violence.

It took me awhile to get to where I am today. I left and went back to him several times before I finally left for good.  Never forget that God loves you and you are beautiful and very special.  Love yourself and be safe.

Thanks for reading and share. Please leave a comment.

Best and be safe,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

8 Tips on How to safely leave an Abusive Relationship

I understand, it’s not your fault.  So don’t blame yourself.  Nobody wakes up and says they want to be in an abusive relationship.  I am an expert on this issue because I am a survivor of domestic violence.  I want to provide valuable resources to help you.

leaving

One day you are in love, trusting the love of your life, spending time with your best friend and planning your future. Then, realizing the one person you trust and love unconditionally are telling you ugly horrible things, even going as far as hitting and abusing you.  The ultimate betrayal.

Steps you need to take if you are leaving…

  1. First, you have to realize you are in an abusive relationship and it’s not your fault. Set your mind on leaving.
  2. The key point is changing the way you think.
  3. Start putting money away, collecting important documents and keeping a journal.
  4. Plan your trip and where you are going to stay.
  5. Leave when your abuser is not home.
  6. Change your phone number.
  7. Reconnect and communicate with family and friends.
  8. Have support systems in place and attend group counseling.

Thank you for visiting and reading my article on tips on leaving an abusive relationship.  Feel free to share with others and leave a comment. I will include a Safety Plan and Steps for starting an Order of Protection in the next two articles.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Love Doesn’t have to Hurt

God is love, the true Healer.  I don’t think God wanted us to continue to accept and live with someone hurting us, which is domestic violence.  When I was with my abusive ex-husband, he always said, “If I loved him, I wouldn’t leave him or if I was a real Christian I would stay by his side.”

Yes, I realize we will go through things in a relationship like pain, sorrow, loss along with joy, peace, love and happiness.  Because that is life, but we can control suffering at the hands of our abusers.  There is help and we can take back our lives-take responsibility to change our life for our children and ourself.  Love Doesn’t Hurt, read 1 Corinthians 13:4,5,6,7,13

4 Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. 13 And now these remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.

The Bible is the truth.

Our abuser beat and attacks us for control and that is the time when they are in the most control.  Please know that love is not insecure, neglect, angry and mean.  We though our abusers loved us and we truly loved them and somehow wanted to change them.  But the truth is, they have to change themselves, just like you have to change you.  We confused those feeling for love, now we know it was fear, lack of love, hurt.  Because Love Doesn’t have to Hurt. Love Doesn’t have to Hurt Inspirational guide for Women in domestic violence coming out October 2015 please look out for it.

Be blessed, Be kind and share with others

Denise

I am a Girl

forgiveness

  Never forget who you are, who you belong to, what you want to do or want to be.

 And everything that God made is Worthy. Beautiful. Unique. Special.  It doesn’t matter that we are not perfect.  No one is. Never forget that.

 Remember all the things that made you laugh, the funny jokes and stories you shared.  All the secrets you held fr0m your friends that made the bond stronger.  The ups and downs of life’s discovery.

  In the world around us where we see good and evil.  If you ever experienced domestic violence or emotional abuse. It’s not your fault.  You can break the cycle of abuse only when you are ready to let go, forgive and to heal.  No matter what people say or do, always stay true to you.

Never forget who you are, who you belongs to, what you want to do or want to be.

I am a Girl.

 

 

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Deciding to Leave Your Abuser

Deciding to leave your abuser.  If you are hoping, and praying your abuser will change?

It good to pray.  They have to let God change them.  You can’t change them.  Real change comes from the person. The abuse will happen again, if they don’t seek counseling from a domestic violence counselor.  Create a support system of trusted family and friends.  There is also agencies in your area.

Things to do.  Please keep  private from your abuser.  Keep a journal to document the abuse.  Collect important papers and clothing in a safe place.  Extra set of keys.  Notify your job, school or daycare.

Abusers have deep rooted emotional and probably psychological problems.  It takes time to change.    The hardest part is leaving and you worry about what will happen once you leave.  Love Doesn’t have to Hurt.

Signs that your abuser is not changing:

1. He minimizes that abuse

2. He tells you if you wouldn’t have done this or that then it wouldn’t happen

3. You have to push them to seek counseling

4.  If you leave, they will commit suicide or kill you.

5.  He pressures you

6. Know your abuser

7. Be safe by making up a code to use in a time of emergency

8.  Identify safe places in the home

9. Make an escape plan

Be safe and seek help

All the best,

Denise

Thanks for reading and leave comment.

6 Tips on Talking with Teens about Domestic Abuse

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Love & Pain who would have thought this would be my life living as a Teen living with domestic violence in the home. 

Parents before you start a conversation with your teen, be natural and in a comfortable settings. Give your teen their favorite blanket.  Realizing that it’s hard for your teenager to see and hear violence in the home.  Especially with their parents.  Teens love both parents and it’s hard on them.  Be open and honest with them about the good and bad things.  Your teens will appreciate your honesty. Knowledge is Power.  Most times when teenagers experience domestic violence in the home they’re very upset and afraid.

Teenagers talk to other teenagers about their problems and fears. Please be calm when you talk and remember don’t force your teen to talk.  Encourage them to open up about their fears and what’s worrying them.

Remember to be available to talk with them when they are ready to talk with you.  Make sure your tone and body language line up.

It’s okay to ask your teen questions about them and what inspires them.Encourage them to get involved in sports, dance, exercising, writing and journaling.  All these to keep their minds of the the troubles at home.   Know their friends.

Most relationships start out good.  Then something bad happen to make their true self comes out.

If your child or children are seeing domestic violence in the home.

Tell them how much you love them. That’s it’s not their fault.
This is not the right way to deal with anger or problems. You are trying to make changes. We need to be in a safe place. I am so sorry you have to see and hear nasty things. Let”s learn together words and safety plan to keep us safe until we get out.

I love you so much.

Tips on teen dating abuse

1.  If they are checking your phone and reading your messages

2.  Telling you who you can be around or talk too.

3.  Calling you names and putting you down

4.  Forcing you to have sex

5.  Threatening you or stalking you

6.  Hitting, Choking, or Punching you

Tips on teens hurt by domestic violence

1.The child thinks about it all the time, may think it’s their fault.

2.Don’t understand what’s happening.

3. Either they don’t want to leave the house.  Withdraw

4. Don’t want to spend time at home.

5. Trouble sleeping and tired all the time.

6. Trouble at school, skipping classes.

 

Don’t want to talk about it.Call 911

Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-540-4000

Info line 7-800-339-6993

RAINN  1-800-656-4673

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Know the Signs of domestic violence

Hello Family and Friends,

Here are the Signs of domestic violence, once you recognize the signs you can get help to get out.

1.  Physical abuse – hitting, kicking , choking, slaps and punching.

2.  Sexual abuse – making you have sex when you don’t want it or forces sexual acts.

3.  Emotional abuse – Calling you bad names.  Intimidates you with words, weapons,  and threatens you.

Threatens to hurt themself or take/hurt the children.

He has unrealistic expectations.  Controls what you wear or where you go or who you can see.  Keep you away from family and friends.

He or she plays mind games,making you think it is your fault.

Always Placing blames on someone else for his behavior.

Being unfaithful.

Cause embarrassment on purpose.

Destroy your happiness.

4.  Economically abuse – destroy your belongs or your property or the pet.  Controls the money. Take or keep the money from you.

5. Psychological abuse – You are afraid and intimidated of your abuser.  Isolation.

6. You are experiencing post trauma stress.

Keep important papers from you.

Causes you to lose your job.

If you are experiencing any of these signs then you are living with domestic violence.

Please start keeping a journal of the abuse with date and time.  Gather important papers and clothing keep in a safe place.  Plan your departure and practice a safety plan.

There are people and place that can help.  Love doesn’t have to hurt

Short term effects of domestic violence

Bruises, bites and marks

Black eyes and vision loss

bloody nose

hearing loss

Miscarriage

STD’s because he doesn’t want to wear a condom.

Murder

Long term effects of domestic violence

Headaches and back pain

Depression

eating disorder and trouble sleeping

Anxiety

Post traumatic stress disorder

Smoking, Alcohol or drug use

Suicide

Illness and diseases.

If this article helped you in anyway.  Please post comments and share with others.

Thanks,

Blessing to all,

Denise

Please leave any question, comments and share with others.