Children living in home with Domestic Abuse

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Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain power and control over another person.  Statistics states 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.  With that being said, think about how many children that’s experiencing domestic violence in the home.

Children living in a home with domestic abuse is more times likely to be depressed, have anxiety and afraid.  They also suffer abuse and neglect 30% to 60%.  More than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes every year.   And the third leading cause of homelessness among families.

Domestic violence is not just a family thing but it’s a community thing.  It cost more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work and medical treatment.  This is what I mean- Parents we are responsible for our children.  Take our babies to church and learn the ways of Jesus Christ.  When our babies grow up with good manners and morals and love God.  When you love God, you will love yourself and you will choose good.  It might not work this way for everybody but it’s better than doing nothing.

When you are broken mentally and physically you are vulnerable.  It’s easier for you to live with domestic violence and abuse.  Please think of your children.  If you are living with domestic violence get help.  It is time to save you and your children.  God loves you and you deserve the best.

Signs of Physical Abuse on Children

1. Bruise, burns, cuts, broken bones, scars

2. Acting out at home and school.

3. Shy away

4. Sudden jumping, flinches thinking you are going to get hit.

Signs of Emotional Abuse on Children

1. Attitude and mood changes.

2.Bedwetting and developmental delays

3. Doesn’t bond with abusive parent

4. Withdrawn

5. Passive behavior

6. Rocking or thumbsucking.

Signs of Sexual Abuse on Children

1. Sexually touching other children.

2.Depression.

3. Afraid to be alone.

4. Pain, itching and bleeding from private parts.

5. It’s hurts to walk or sit.

6. Suicide

Practice safety plan and teach your children word that you would say when you need help from your abuser.

Be safe,

Denise

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Break the Silence – Always Tell

What is Rape or Date Rape?

According to the dictionary rape means to force (someone) to have sex with you by using violence or the threat of violence. Date-Rape is the crime of forcing someone you know to have sex with you especially while on a date.

It hurt when you are raped. And it also hurt when some people asked questions like, “What were you wearing? Were you at his house?” It doesn’t matter. It’s not your fault.

For example:

If you wanted to at first and changed your mind. And they do it anyway, it’s wrong.

The person that raped you are at fault.

80% of rapes are carried out by someone you know. (Statistics from RAINN.org)

I was newly divorced, a single mom putting the pieces of my life back together. A friend of mine picked me up for a date. He invited me over to see a movie. I was awakened by him raping me. Happens next!

What happens after you have been raped?

You are not alone. Get to a safe place, tell a trusted friend or family member. Then go to the hospital to get your injuries treated and have a rape kit done.

Preparation before the rape kit:

1. Don’t eat or drink anything.
2. Don’t pee, brush your teeth or bathe.

I know, the first thing you want to do is shower or bathe. You can’t because they need the evidence. They also need to keep your clothes and underwear.

After the rape kit, you don’t have to talk to the police unless you want. If you go to the police station, you have three choices:

1. After the rape kit, you can press and file charges against your abuser. In some states if, you are filing charges they have funds available to pay for the hospital fees, visits and the lab work. They also can pay for loss wages and legal fees. So check with your state.

2. After the rape kit, you don’t have to press and file charges.

3. After the rape kit, you can file charges but you can do it without using your name on the documents.

The journey to recovery is hard, intense and long. Get involved in a local church. Strengthen your relationship with God, He is the true Healer. It is also important to have a good counselor and have a great support system.  Overcoming the trauma of rape remember that you are loved, you have worth and you are not responsible for what happen to you.

In my experience, you will have flashbacks and anxiety, but it is light at the end of your journey. Break the silence – Always tell and let the healing begin. Please post any questions or comments. Thanks for visiting and come again.

I am a Girl

forgiveness

  Never forget who you are, who you belong to, what you want to do or want to be.

 And everything that God made is Worthy. Beautiful. Unique. Special.  It doesn’t matter that we are not perfect.  No one is. Never forget that.

 Remember all the things that made you laugh, the funny jokes and stories you shared.  All the secrets you held fr0m your friends that made the bond stronger.  The ups and downs of life’s discovery.

  In the world around us where we see good and evil.  If you ever experienced domestic violence or emotional abuse. It’s not your fault.  You can break the cycle of abuse only when you are ready to let go, forgive and to heal.  No matter what people say or do, always stay true to you.

Never forget who you are, who you belongs to, what you want to do or want to be.

I am a Girl.

 

 

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Deciding to Leave Your Abuser

Deciding to leave your abuser.  If you are hoping, and praying your abuser will change?

It good to pray.  They have to let God change them.  You can’t change them.  Real change comes from the person. The abuse will happen again, if they don’t seek counseling from a domestic violence counselor.  Create a support system of trusted family and friends.  There is also agencies in your area.

Things to do.  Please keep  private from your abuser.  Keep a journal to document the abuse.  Collect important papers and clothing in a safe place.  Extra set of keys.  Notify your job, school or daycare.

Abusers have deep rooted emotional and probably psychological problems.  It takes time to change.    The hardest part is leaving and you worry about what will happen once you leave.  Love Doesn’t have to Hurt.

Signs that your abuser is not changing:

1. He minimizes that abuse

2. He tells you if you wouldn’t have done this or that then it wouldn’t happen

3. You have to push them to seek counseling

4.  If you leave, they will commit suicide or kill you.

5.  He pressures you

6. Know your abuser

7. Be safe by making up a code to use in a time of emergency

8.  Identify safe places in the home

9. Make an escape plan

Be safe and seek help

All the best,

Denise

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6 Tips on Talking with Teens about Domestic Abuse

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Love & Pain who would have thought this would be my life living as a Teen living with domestic violence in the home. 

Parents before you start a conversation with your teen, be natural and in a comfortable settings. Give your teen their favorite blanket.  Realizing that it’s hard for your teenager to see and hear violence in the home.  Especially with their parents.  Teens love both parents and it’s hard on them.  Be open and honest with them about the good and bad things.  Your teens will appreciate your honesty. Knowledge is Power.  Most times when teenagers experience domestic violence in the home they’re very upset and afraid.

Teenagers talk to other teenagers about their problems and fears. Please be calm when you talk and remember don’t force your teen to talk.  Encourage them to open up about their fears and what’s worrying them.

Remember to be available to talk with them when they are ready to talk with you.  Make sure your tone and body language line up.

It’s okay to ask your teen questions about them and what inspires them.Encourage them to get involved in sports, dance, exercising, writing and journaling.  All these to keep their minds of the the troubles at home.   Know their friends.

Most relationships start out good.  Then something bad happen to make their true self comes out.

If your child or children are seeing domestic violence in the home.

Tell them how much you love them. That’s it’s not their fault.
This is not the right way to deal with anger or problems. You are trying to make changes. We need to be in a safe place. I am so sorry you have to see and hear nasty things. Let”s learn together words and safety plan to keep us safe until we get out.

I love you so much.

Tips on teen dating abuse

1.  If they are checking your phone and reading your messages

2.  Telling you who you can be around or talk too.

3.  Calling you names and putting you down

4.  Forcing you to have sex

5.  Threatening you or stalking you

6.  Hitting, Choking, or Punching you

Tips on teens hurt by domestic violence

1.The child thinks about it all the time, may think it’s their fault.

2.Don’t understand what’s happening.

3. Either they don’t want to leave the house.  Withdraw

4. Don’t want to spend time at home.

5. Trouble sleeping and tired all the time.

6. Trouble at school, skipping classes.

 

Don’t want to talk about it.Call 911

Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-540-4000

Info line 7-800-339-6993

RAINN  1-800-656-4673

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Know the Signs of domestic violence

Hello Family and Friends,

Here are the Signs of domestic violence, once you recognize the signs you can get help to get out.

1.  Physical abuse – hitting, kicking , choking, slaps and punching.

2.  Sexual abuse – making you have sex when you don’t want it or forces sexual acts.

3.  Emotional abuse – Calling you bad names.  Intimidates you with words, weapons,  and threatens you.

Threatens to hurt themself or take/hurt the children.

He has unrealistic expectations.  Controls what you wear or where you go or who you can see.  Keep you away from family and friends.

He or she plays mind games,making you think it is your fault.

Always Placing blames on someone else for his behavior.

Being unfaithful.

Cause embarrassment on purpose.

Destroy your happiness.

4.  Economically abuse – destroy your belongs or your property or the pet.  Controls the money. Take or keep the money from you.

5. Psychological abuse – You are afraid and intimidated of your abuser.  Isolation.

6. You are experiencing post trauma stress.

Keep important papers from you.

Causes you to lose your job.

If you are experiencing any of these signs then you are living with domestic violence.

Please start keeping a journal of the abuse with date and time.  Gather important papers and clothing keep in a safe place.  Plan your departure and practice a safety plan.

There are people and place that can help.  Love doesn’t have to hurt

Short term effects of domestic violence

Bruises, bites and marks

Black eyes and vision loss

bloody nose

hearing loss

Miscarriage

STD’s because he doesn’t want to wear a condom.

Murder

Long term effects of domestic violence

Headaches and back pain

Depression

eating disorder and trouble sleeping

Anxiety

Post traumatic stress disorder

Smoking, Alcohol or drug use

Suicide

Illness and diseases.

If this article helped you in anyway.  Please post comments and share with others.

Thanks,

Blessing to all,

Denise

Please leave any question, comments and share with others.