Focus on the Possibilities

Good morning, today is a new day.  Let’s talk about using the things that has hurt you or your failures to inspire your greatness.

Most of us has a story. Turn your negative into a positive by helping someone else.

I encourage you to learn from your life experiences and turn a negative into a positive to work toward growth and development to better your life.

Remember your Failures and your Success equals Growth.

Pressure makes rubies and diamonds, so Grace Girls be empower to start turning a negative situation into positive possibilities.  

Relax and focus on your passion. Think about what you can do with thinking about it?

Find your purpose.

After you find your purpose set goals. For example, I mentor women dealing with domestic violence and abuse. I work at a domestic violence shelter. I am a believer and I love what I do.

Empowering Grace Girls and my goal is to open a Grace Girls home. The vision to Make a Difference.

My first step is to set daily, weekly, and monthly goals. I will work on my plan everyday. Planning is the most important step and God will do the rest. If I can write it out, I can achieve it.

Always remember to make a plan. Thanks for reading and come again.

Comments are always welcome.

blessings,

Denise

Forgiveness

Love

“Can you do anything Right?” I just stood not moving, knowing I was doing my best.  God taught me to love with a pure heart. It’s hard to forgive the person that you trusted with your heart, love and life. You thought they love you the most because of their words. The betrayal. That person abused you for years.  The one person that you thought loved you, but they’re putting you down.  Telling you that you can’t do anything right. Called you out your name, and blamed you for their faults and mistakes.

When your spouse is hurting you they’re hurting themselves, because you are One.  But you must forgive. You have to learn how to deal with life’s hard knocks. We can do it, with hard work and determination. Forgiveness is for you. Us. Your life will truly change if you forgive.

The Process…Think about it?

We must find the love, the courage to forgive them. When you forgive them, only to free yourself. When you forgive them it is not only pleasing to God but it will be pleasing to you as well.  We must live our life to do good and that same goodness will one day come back to us.  Don’t worry it will find you.

It’s also wise to forgive when you have children together. Children love unconditional, with that being said your children will love the abuser anyway.  Please never talk bad about the other person.  Your children will find out in other ways.

What happens…..When you forgive:
1. You free yourself
2. You don’t feel anger or hate when someone bring up their name.
3. The thought of them, don’t mess you up inside.

4.Effect your day.
5. When you can stand to face them and be great.
6. Hear their voice. Remember what happen without the pain.

7.  You feel love and then you want to continue to share that love.

8.  You tell others, so they can be feel to love too.  After all, sharing is caring!

Victory
You must forgive everyone that hurt you. When you’re able to forgive, that’s when you’re healing process begins. Once your start you’re healing process, yes, it will hurt at first. Each day will get better and better.

Then you will grow and discover the love and beauty within you. Like a beautiful butterfly, blossoming flower, or praise dancing or Like a boy becoming a man.

I telling you this process because I lived with my abuser so many years and I have forgiven him and myself.  Forgiveness is so beautiful and its a gift you give yourself.  Forgiveness is Victory

Define what is forgiveness? Forgive, forgiveness is to give up resentment of or claim to requital for an insult. Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Please read what the Bible say about Forgiveness in a Biblical article.

Forgiveness is letting go of hurt and pain.

Thanks for reading and come again.

Bless,

Denise

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt

Leave comments.

I Love ME From Pieces Made Whole

Hi Everyone,

“I Love ME from Pieces Made Whole” children’s book ages 6 to 11 years old. The book promotes self-worth, reflections, hope, forgiveness and  to heal from domestic violence and abuse.  Published date April 2020.

Please post comments, about the book cover! What do you think?

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Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt Appreciate Life

I don’t know your story, but I’m going to share my story with you.

Your abuser is not going to change, unless he wants too.  Domestic violence is power and control over their initiate partner.

It’s my passion to educate little girls, teens and women about domestic violence and abuse to discuss keys to a healthy relationship.

To talk about your hurt and pain is freeing. First step to heal the little girl inside of you.  Remember all things are possible through Jesus Christ! The sky is the limit.  

We have to model positive words, deeds, and actions to show girls they are worthy.  To let them know they are to be treated with love and respect. 

I am so thankful and blessed!  I can share hope of healing from domestic violence and together we can end domestic violence.

My book “Love Doesn’t have to Hurt”  is an inspirational guide for women dealing with the topic of domestic violence and abuse.  The release date is scheduled for October 2020.

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Love Yourself

It is so important to LOVE YOURSELF!  Guess what, you are beautiful loving and kind!  You are not perfect, and that’s okay because nobody is.  I’m smiling at you.

It’s so hard after leaving an abusive spouse because we love them so much and we believe in them.  We think about the future and the thought of growing old with them.  

Speaking of your future – In reality, we really can’t have a future with  someone who is so selfish who plans to abuse us only because we are nice, caring, nurturing and empathetic.

He wined and dined us.  Used all the right words and we fell in love.  After that the games began.

Remember all the silent treatment.  Up and down mood swings.  All the times you thought you was going crazy.  You weren’t going crazy because, it was him who was playing games with you. 

All the times you took him back.  All the promises to change.  All the abuse. He built you up only to destroy you by bringing  you down.

It’s time to drop him mentally and physically.  Get your healing on and start loving yourself.

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Loving you:

  1. Get a solid relationship with God.
  2. Tell yourself positive things.
  3. Pamper yourself
  4. Read a good book
  5. Acknowledge that you are worthy to be loved
  6. Trust your inner voice
  7. Do something everyday that you like
  8. Build yourself up!
  9. Ask for help if you need it.
  10. Utilize breathing techniques

I pray these things help you like they helped me.

Please comment and share.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt” 

 

The Effects of Domestic Violence and Abuse on the family. The Order of Protection Process

Domestic violence is very serious, it can affect men, women and children. Usually men are the abusers, but men can also be abused. When children  witness domestic violence, that’s trauma. Children are at a greater risk of having emotional, behavior issues, be sexually abused and have learning problems.

You can recover, but it will take hard work on your part. And you are going to have to want it. You should talk with God,  a trusted family member, friend or counselor.  God is the true healer. So please don’t leave Him out of your recovery.

It  will affect you mentally and physically. We’re not the same and things don’t affect everyone in the same way. When you are experiencing or living with domestic violence you don’t feel safe or secure most of the time, and it causes you to have trouble sleeping and dealing with life. Some days you don’t want to get out of bed to face the day. You start isolating yourself from family and friends. Your behavior changes at work or school. You begin to lose trust and faith in people. It causes you to feel helpless and hopeless because of the shame and guilt. But it is not your fault. It’s your abuser that has the problem and needs help. But they have to want to change.

I know, because I witnessed domestic violence as a child growing up, then I married a man, that I though loved me. Then again, I guess he did love me, but he had a problem and he abused me for many, many years. I stayed, because I didn’t know any better at first, then over time, I thought I could change him. I thought I could be enough for him to want to change.  That didn’t happen.

Now, I live to help others by sharing my story.

So why is it not recognized or why is it overlooked as a serious crime, especially if its emotional abuse vs physical abuse? I believe physical, emotional and sexual abuse are equally serious crimes and both of these problems should be addressed. Most cases involve men hitting, punching, threatening and emotionally abusing women. But men can get abused too. It also affects children growing up seeing and hearing their parents fight and witnessing the abuse.

Abuse kills your spirit, causes depression and low self-esteem.

The Cycle of Abuse goes in a circle like this: The abuse occurs. He then starts to feel guilty and then he makes excuses.  The fantasy begins –  he gives you flowers, candy, sweet talks you and then wants to make love with you.  Then the setup – the abuse starts again!

Verbal, physical and emotional abuse done to your spouse or partner is done to dominate and control. There are also more ways to abuse the other person  – like financial abuse, spiritual abuse, abusing a pet and sexual abuse.

Abuse

Guilt

Excuses

Normal behavior

Fantasy

Setup

The first step is recognizing the abuse. Once you realize you are being abused decide if you are going to leave or stay in the relationship. Please protect yourself. Utilize people, agencies and resources that are out there to help. If you decide you want to get an order of protection – go to your local courthouse.  The service is free for domestic violence cases. You have to fill out the paperwork and you have to be very detailed and honest.  There are also clerks in the office to answer questions.  After you turn in your paperwork, a judge will look over them and may need to speak with you.  At that time you may be granted a temporary protection order and you will get four copies.  One copy for yourself, the police department, the courts and then your abuser will be served.  If you have a picture of him and describe him it will make it easier for him to be located and served.  You will then be given a court date if all of the facts go in your favor you should receive a permanent Oder of Protection.  Be safe – Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt!

God bless,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Please leave any question or comments.

Jewelry for Survivors

Hello Everyone, it is always a pleasure to share with you.  Check out this jewelry for a cause  – for survivors of domestic violence, sexual abuse, emotional and financial abuse.

mkt.com/skycustomdesigns

Please leave a comment and share with others.

Be blessed,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

How to Stand in Your Power After You Leave

Hello to everyone

To those of you who have been in an abusive relationship and found the courage to leave, we are not alone.  We are still standing! We are standing in our truth!  We are standing in our strength! We are standing in our Power!  Many of us had to make the decision to leave the person who told us they loved us the most.  But remember,  “Love doesn’t have to hurt”.

I am so glad you decided to leave and you are in a safe place.  The most important thing is that you and your children are safe.  And if you don’t have children, then you are safe.

When I left my abusive relationship I had a girlfriend that I confided in and I also attended counseling with an agency for domestic violence in my area.  If you have a girlfriend, family member or are residing in a shelter, praise God you are safe.

Yes, you are going to miss him and yes, he is going to try to convince you to come back home, if he knows where you are.  Continue to be strong and each day it will get easier and easier.  Stand in your power after leaving!

What helped me after taking him back a thousand times was to start journaling. When I thought about all the good times, which didn’t amount to a lot, I read the journal again to keep me focused on what I had to do. I also realized that he really didn’t love me and didn’t care about me and I am better without him.  I grew tired of listening to the broken promises and dreams. I also realized that he choose me because I had a good heart and spirit, only to use me. Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt.

If you decide to go back, be safe and have a safety plan and back up plan in place. Make sure he attends counseling for domestic violence.  Regular counseling or anger management will not address the problems of domestic violence.

It took me awhile to get to where I am today. I left and went back to him several times before I finally left for good.  Never forget that God loves you and you are beautiful and very special.  Love yourself and be safe.

Thanks for reading and share. Please leave a comment.

Best and be safe,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

8 Tips on How to safely leave an Abusive Relationship

I understand, it’s not your fault.  So don’t blame yourself.  Nobody wakes up and says they want to be in an abusive relationship.  I am an expert on this issue because I am a survivor of domestic violence.  I want to provide valuable resources to help you.

leaving

One day you are in love, trusting the love of your life, spending time with your best friend and planning your future. Then, realizing the one person you trust and love unconditionally are telling you ugly horrible things, even going as far as hitting and abusing you.  The ultimate betrayal.

Steps you need to take if you are leaving…

  1. First, you have to realize you are in an abusive relationship and it’s not your fault. Set your mind on leaving.
  2. The key point is changing the way you think.
  3. Start putting money away, collecting important documents and keeping a journal.
  4. Plan your trip and where you are going to stay.
  5. Leave when your abuser is not home.
  6. Change your phone number.
  7. Reconnect and communicate with family and friends.
  8. Have support systems in place and attend group counseling.

Thank you for visiting and reading my article on tips on leaving an abusive relationship.  Feel free to share with others and leave a comment. I will include a Safety Plan and Steps for starting an Order of Protection in the next two articles.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Children living in home with Domestic Abuse

kids_DV

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain power and control over another person.  Statistics states 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.  With that being said, think about how many children that’s experiencing domestic violence in the home.

Children living in a home with domestic abuse is more times likely to be depressed, have anxiety and afraid.  They also suffer abuse and neglect 30% to 60%.  More than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes every year.   And the third leading cause of homelessness among families.

Domestic violence is not just a family thing but it’s a community thing.  It cost more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work and medical treatment.  This is what I mean- Parents we are responsible for our children.  Take our babies to church and learn the ways of Jesus Christ.  When our babies grow up with good manners and morals and love God.  When you love God, you will love yourself and you will choose good.  It might not work this way for everybody but it’s better than doing nothing.

When you are broken mentally and physically you are vulnerable.  It’s easier for you to live with domestic violence and abuse.  Please think of your children.  If you are living with domestic violence get help.  It is time to save you and your children.  God loves you and you deserve the best.

Signs of Physical Abuse on Children

1. Bruise, burns, cuts, broken bones, scars

2. Acting out at home and school.

3. Shy away

4. Sudden jumping, flinches thinking you are going to get hit.

Signs of Emotional Abuse on Children

1. Attitude and mood changes.

2.Bedwetting and developmental delays

3. Doesn’t bond with abusive parent

4. Withdrawn

5. Passive behavior

6. Rocking or thumbsucking.

Signs of Sexual Abuse on Children

1. Sexually touching other children.

2.Depression.

3. Afraid to be alone.

4. Pain, itching and bleeding from private parts.

5. It’s hurts to walk or sit.

6. Suicide

Practice safety plan and teach your children word that you would say when you need help from your abuser.

Be safe,

Denise

Leave any comments or questions.