Healing

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The importance of healing.

When we forgive ourselves and/ or the person that hurt us, remember that it is for us!  We need forgiveness for healing. You ask “how do you know if you need healing?” You are always mad, angry or unpleasant.  When you hurt, it makes you sad, then it turns to anger.  After a while it builds into depression.

The wrong time to make life decisions is when you are hurt or angry.
A lot of times, when we are hurt, we can’t hear from God or trusted family and friends. It is usually because we lost our faith and refuse to trust anyone.

If you want to feel better and be your best self forgive and start your healing process.  Trust God! Renew your mind, body and soul. Remember you deserve it. Healing – Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt!

Thanks for visiting and reading.  Please leave a comment.

Come again.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Hurt”

Self-Worth

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Listen…no judgement. I’m writing from experience. Life has taught me to love myself. If I don’t love me, or value me no one else will. No one else will treat me better than I treat myself. Make time for you each day.  No phones, computers or interruptions.  Find a quiet space and focus on you.

I’m a child of the most high, so I must stand on that truth!

It all starts with me. Taking the best care I can of me.  If that means praying, speaking affirmations, exercising, eating a balanced meal and practicing breathing techniques then DO IT! .  I promise that you will not be disappointed.

When you are at your best self no one can put you down by telling lies to lower your self worth.  That’s what abusers do. They tell lies to make you think you are crazy.  You have to change the very thing that makes you special.

Our creator made us unique and special, no two people are alike.  Are we perfect? No. No one is, but that’s okay.

When I love someone, I love all of them, flaws too.  Is it wrong to want the same thing? No!

Love you and wait patiently until the right person comes along.

Be blessed,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Thanks for visiting and reading. Please leave a message and like.

The Effects of Domestic Violence and Abuse on the family. The Order of Protection Process

Domestic violence is very serious, it can affect men, women and children. Usually men are the abusers, but men can also be abused. When children  witness domestic violence, that’s trauma. Children are at a greater risk of having emotional, behavior issues, be sexually abused and have learning problems.

You can recover, but it will take hard work on your part. And you are going to have to want it. You should talk with God,  a trusted family member, friend or counselor.  God is the true healer. So please don’t leave Him out of your recovery.

It  will affect you mentally and physically. We’re not the same and things don’t affect everyone in the same way. When you are experiencing or living with domestic violence you don’t feel safe or secure most of the time, and it causes you to have trouble sleeping and dealing with life. Some days you don’t want to get out of bed to face the day. You start isolating yourself from family and friends. Your behavior changes at work or school. You begin to lose trust and faith in people. It causes you to feel helpless and hopeless because of the shame and guilt. But it is not your fault. It’s your abuser that has the problem and needs help. But they have to want to change.

I know, because I witnessed domestic violence as a child growing up, then I married a man, that I though loved me. Then again, I guess he did love me, but he had a problem and he abused me for many, many years. I stayed, because I didn’t know any better at first, then over time, I thought I could change him. I thought I could be enough for him to want to change.  That didn’t happen.

Now, I live to help others by sharing my story.

So why is it not recognized or why is it overlooked as a serious crime, especially if its emotional abuse vs physical abuse? I believe physical, emotional and sexual abuse are equally serious crimes and both of these problems should be addressed. Most cases involve men hitting, punching, threatening and emotionally abusing women. But men can get abused too. It also affects children growing up seeing and hearing their parents fight and witnessing the abuse.

Abuse kills your spirit, causes depression and low self-esteem.

The Cycle of Abuse goes in a circle like this: The abuse occurs. He then starts to feel guilty and then he makes excuses.  The fantasy begins –  he gives you flowers, candy, sweet talks you and then wants to make love with you.  Then the setup – the abuse starts again!

Verbal, physical and emotional abuse done to your spouse or partner is done to dominate and control. There are also more ways to abuse the other person  – like financial abuse, spiritual abuse, abusing a pet and sexual abuse.

Abuse

Guilt

Excuses

Normal behavior

Fantasy

Setup

The first step is recognizing the abuse. Once you realize you are being abused decide if you are going to leave or stay in the relationship. Please protect yourself. Utilize people, agencies and resources that are out there to help. If you decide you want to get an order of protection – go to your local courthouse.  The service is free for domestic violence cases. You have to fill out the paperwork and you have to be very detailed and honest.  There are also clerks in the office to answer questions.  After you turn in your paperwork, a judge will look over them and may need to speak with you.  At that time you may be granted a temporary protection order and you will get four copies.  One copy for yourself, the police department, the courts and then your abuser will be served.  If you have a picture of him and describe him it will make it easier for him to be located and served.  You will then be given a court date if all of the facts go in your favor you should receive a permanent Oder of Protection.  Be safe – Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt!

God bless,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Please leave any question or comments.

Bracelets

mkt.com/skycustomdesigns

Faith Domestic Violence Survivor Bracelet
Faith Domestic Violence Survivor Bracelet When you wear this bracelet it reminds you of God’s Promise “It’s Done” Without Faith there would not be a promise.
domesticviosexabusebracelet
Faith Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse Survivor Bracelet When you wear this bracelet it reminds you of God’s Promise “It’s Done” Without Faith there would not be a promise.
sexualabusebracelet
Faith Sexual Abuse Survivor Bracelet When you wear this bracelet it reminds you of God’s Promise “It’s Done” Without Faith there would not be a promise.

Jewelry for Survivors

Hello Everyone, it is always a pleasure to share with you.  Check out this jewelry for a cause  – for survivors of domestic violence, sexual abuse, emotional and financial abuse.

mkt.com/skycustomdesigns

Please leave a comment and share with others.

Be blessed,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Rebuilding after Domestic Violence and Emotional Abuse

Ladies,

When was the last time you did something for you?  What makes you happy?  What brings you joy?  Read a good book?  Had a facial? If you can’t answer, then it’s time you start PAMPERING  YOU!

You are so beautiful, loving and kind.  You spend so much of your time focusing on others.  Yes, they appreciate it.  And you feel good also. I know it’s hard rebuilding yourself after an abusive relationship. The journey is long but we are worth it.

Everyday we should thank God, eat a balanced meal, exercise, drink plenty of water and pray.

It’s also nice to have some me time.  If you love and appreciate yourself.  spend time with yourself, then you can carry so much more love over to others.  Joy and happiness comes from you and no one else.  Your family, friends and others may positively affect your mood sometimes.

Others love to be around people that are likable.

1.  Think about what you love about yourself?

2.  What makes you happy?

3.  What brings you joy?

4.  Instead of focusing on celebrating once you get that new job, or make your next million, have fun now!  Celebrate each day that God gives you breath.

Be blessed,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

What Can We Do to Overcome Abuse

Hello Online Family and Friends,

We can overcome any thing we put our minds to, especially domestic violence and abuse.  Determination.  I did!  Now I am safe, I have joy and happiness.  I have forgiven my abusers and I have forgiven my seIf. I lived with my abuser for 15 years.  Because I moved too fast and lacked knowledge and support I spent another seven years in an abusive relationship. I cannot promise the road to overcoming abuse will be easy or the process time will be short but with support, knowledge and determination you can do it too.  What I can promise, is that you can do it.  We have to learn to love and trust ourselves again.  At a point in our lives we lost the love and trust,  and in turn, opened the door to the abuse.  Please understand that you did not deserve it.  People that abuse others learned that by watching others that abused.  They saw it as a way of control.  Somebody hurt them, so they hurt others.  If it never got dealt with, then the cycle of abuse continues.  Only when the cycle of abuse is broken, healing comes.  We thought we were in love and didn’t know the warning signs of abuse.  Once you realize you are in an abusive relationship seek help and support to plan and make a way of escape for you and your children.  Knowledge is power!   Counseling will help with you to  build and rebuild relationships.  The first step is to admit you are loved by God.  God is the true Healer.  You are Awesome, amazing and worth it and in control of your life.   We are the only one that can make decisions for ourselves and our children.  We have the power to keep ourselves and children safe and not worry about the next time. Live in a healthy environment because we know that we deserve the best.  God only wants the best for his Children and He will never leave or forsake us.  God’s word is the truth and we can depend on Him.  When you are free from your abuser, you will begin to learn how to live without them.  You begin to start your life anew.  Start walking, sleeping and eating the right way.  Do things that you use to do, that made you happy, like reading, writing, participating in or watching sporting events, just to name a few.  Now that you know, that you know, pass it on to others in need. The lesson is to keep control and watch out and know the warning signs to avoid. You will have a great relationship when the time is right.  And remember to pass love and encouragement on to someone else.

All the best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

How to Stand in Your Power After You Leave

Hello to everyone

To those of you who have been in an abusive relationship and found the courage to leave, we are not alone.  We are still standing! We are standing in our truth!  We are standing in our strength! We are standing in our Power!  Many of us had to make the decision to leave the person who told us they loved us the most.  But remember,  “Love doesn’t have to hurt”.

I am so glad you decided to leave and you are in a safe place.  The most important thing is that you and your children are safe.  And if you don’t have children, then you are safe.

When I left my abusive relationship I had a girlfriend that I confided in and I also attended counseling with an agency for domestic violence in my area.  If you have a girlfriend, family member or are residing in a shelter, praise God you are safe.

Yes, you are going to miss him and yes, he is going to try to convince you to come back home, if he knows where you are.  Continue to be strong and each day it will get easier and easier.  Stand in your power after leaving!

What helped me after taking him back a thousand times was to start journaling. When I thought about all the good times, which didn’t amount to a lot, I read the journal again to keep me focused on what I had to do. I also realized that he really didn’t love me and didn’t care about me and I am better without him.  I grew tired of listening to the broken promises and dreams. I also realized that he choose me because I had a good heart and spirit, only to use me. Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt.

If you decide to go back, be safe and have a safety plan and back up plan in place. Make sure he attends counseling for domestic violence.  Regular counseling or anger management will not address the problems of domestic violence.

It took me awhile to get to where I am today. I left and went back to him several times before I finally left for good.  Never forget that God loves you and you are beautiful and very special.  Love yourself and be safe.

Thanks for reading and share. Please leave a comment.

Best and be safe,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

8 Tips on How to safely leave an Abusive Relationship

I understand, it’s not your fault.  So don’t blame yourself.  Nobody wakes up and says they want to be in an abusive relationship.  I am an expert on this issue because I am a survivor of domestic violence.  I want to provide valuable resources to help you.

leaving

One day you are in love, trusting the love of your life, spending time with your best friend and planning your future. Then, realizing the one person you trust and love unconditionally are telling you ugly horrible things, even going as far as hitting and abusing you.  The ultimate betrayal.

Steps you need to take if you are leaving…

  1. First, you have to realize you are in an abusive relationship and it’s not your fault. Set your mind on leaving.
  2. The key point is changing the way you think.
  3. Start putting money away, collecting important documents and keeping a journal.
  4. Plan your trip and where you are going to stay.
  5. Leave when your abuser is not home.
  6. Change your phone number.
  7. Reconnect and communicate with family and friends.
  8. Have support systems in place and attend group counseling.

Thank you for visiting and reading my article on tips on leaving an abusive relationship.  Feel free to share with others and leave a comment. I will include a Safety Plan and Steps for starting an Order of Protection in the next two articles.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Children living in home with Domestic Abuse

kids_DV

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain power and control over another person.  Statistics states 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.  With that being said, think about how many children that’s experiencing domestic violence in the home.

Children living in a home with domestic abuse is more times likely to be depressed, have anxiety and afraid.  They also suffer abuse and neglect 30% to 60%.  More than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes every year.   And the third leading cause of homelessness among families.

Domestic violence is not just a family thing but it’s a community thing.  It cost more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work and medical treatment.  This is what I mean- Parents we are responsible for our children.  Take our babies to church and learn the ways of Jesus Christ.  When our babies grow up with good manners and morals and love God.  When you love God, you will love yourself and you will choose good.  It might not work this way for everybody but it’s better than doing nothing.

When you are broken mentally and physically you are vulnerable.  It’s easier for you to live with domestic violence and abuse.  Please think of your children.  If you are living with domestic violence get help.  It is time to save you and your children.  God loves you and you deserve the best.

Signs of Physical Abuse on Children

1. Bruise, burns, cuts, broken bones, scars

2. Acting out at home and school.

3. Shy away

4. Sudden jumping, flinches thinking you are going to get hit.

Signs of Emotional Abuse on Children

1. Attitude and mood changes.

2.Bedwetting and developmental delays

3. Doesn’t bond with abusive parent

4. Withdrawn

5. Passive behavior

6. Rocking or thumbsucking.

Signs of Sexual Abuse on Children

1. Sexually touching other children.

2.Depression.

3. Afraid to be alone.

4. Pain, itching and bleeding from private parts.

5. It’s hurts to walk or sit.

6. Suicide

Practice safety plan and teach your children word that you would say when you need help from your abuser.

Be safe,

Denise

Leave any comments or questions.