Believe

love-11Hello,   How many of us are still living by our emotions?  In God’s unchanging Word, it is wise not to live by our emotions.

Our emotions will guide us in the wrong direction.  Emotions change! Domestic violence and abuse affects our emotions instead of what we see. Believe in what you see your abuser do and say.  It will lead you to safety.

God wants us to be stable in all our ways. Domestic violence and abuse is not stable. It’s like living with two completely different people.

believeOnly you know when enough is enough.  You do deserve the best of what life can offer you. Key point, don’t follow your feelings or emotions, but focus on the facts. The Principle. Take care.

Peace and blessings,

Denise

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt

Forgiveness

Love“Can you do anything Right?” I just stood not moving, knowing I was doing my best.  God taught me to love with a pure heart. It’s hard to forgive the person that you trusted with your heart, love and life. You thought they love you the most because of their words. The betrayal. That person abused you for years.  The one person that you thought loved you, but they’re putting you down.  Telling you that you can’t do anything right. Called you out your name, and blamed you for their faults and mistakes.

When your spouse is hurting you they’re hurting themselves, because you are One.  But you must forgive. You have to learn how to deal with life’s hard knocks. We can do it, with hard work and determination. Forgiveness is for you. Us. Your life will truly change if you forgive.

The Process…Think about it?

We must find the love, the courage to forgive them. When you forgive them, only to free yourself. When you forgive them it is not only pleasing to God but it will be pleasing to you as well.  We must live our life to do good and that same goodness will one day come back to us.  Don’t worry it will find you.

It’s also wise to forgive when you have children together. Children love unconditional, with that being said your children will love the abuser anyway.  Please never talk bad about the other person.  Your children will find out in other ways.

What happens…..When you forgive:
1. You free yourself
2. You don’t feel anger or hate when someone bring up their name.
3. The thought of them, don’t mess you up inside.

4.Effect your day.
5. When you can stand to face them and be great.
6. Hear their voice. Remember what happen without the pain.

7.  You feel love and then you want to continue to share that love.

8.  You tell others, so they can be feel to love too.  After all, sharing is caring!

Victory
You must forgive everyone that hurt you. When you’re able to forgive, that’s when you’re healing process begins. Once your start you’re healing process, yes, it will hurt at first. Each day will get better and better.

Then you will grow and discover the love and beauty within you. Like a beautiful butterfly, blossoming flower, or praise dancing or Like a boy becoming a man.

I telling you this process because I lived with my abuser so many years and I have forgiven him and myself.  Forgiveness is so beautiful and its a gift you give yourself.  Forgiveness is Victory

Define what is forgiveness? Forgive, forgiveness is to give up resentment of or claim to requital for an insult. Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Please read what the Bible say about Forgiveness in a Biblical article.

Forgiveness is letting go of hurt and pain.

Thanks for reading and come again.

Bless,

Denise

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt

Leave comments.

Self-Care

Good morning,

If you experienced domestic violence or abuse, it’s very important to practice self-care of our bodies physically, emotionally, and mentally.

What is Self-Care? Self-care equal pamper yourself! Trust! Believe in you. You deserve to feel better, stronger, and more alive. When you practice self-care you rest and recharge makes your better, stronger and more alive.

Empowerment is self-care builds self-esteem, self-worth, and make your own decisions.

Things to make your life easier, and healthier:

1. Journal or List all your personal strengths and reflect on them often. Take time to prioritize your day.

2. List all the things you are grateful for and reasons why. Focus on the positive! Laugh. Smile often.

3. No one is perfect, so let that go.

4. Exercise 10 to 30 minutes daily.

5. Practice praying, meditation and breathing techniques.

6. Get enough sleep.

7. Drink plenty of water.

8. Remove people that are no good for you. Look for people you admire, or who can be your role model, or mentor.

9. Organize one room at a time.

10.Believe in yourself, you deserve it!

11. Listen to music.

12. Call a trusted friend or family member.

13. Sit on the porch. Enjoy fresh air and sunlight.

14. Take a shower using some homemade sugar scrubs.

15. Schedule a Spa night at home (facial, pedicure, and/or manicure)

16. Color, draw, write, or read.

17. Create your own vision board from magazines and writings.

18. Spend time alone.

19. Grab a glass of wine, tea, or coffee and sip in the tub. Be safe and responsible.

Remember you are worth it. Enjoy!

Come back next week for my breathing technique video.

Please leave a comment and like.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt”

I Love ME From Pieces Made Whole

Hi Everyone,

“I Love ME from Pieces Made Whole” children’s book ages 6 to 11 years old. The book promotes self-worth, reflections, hope, forgiveness and  to heal from domestic violence and abuse.  Published date April 2020.

Please post comments, about the book cover! What do you think?

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Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt Appreciate Life

I don’t know your story, but I’m going to share my story with you.

Your abuser is not going to change, unless he wants too.  Domestic violence is power and control over their initiate partner.

It’s my passion to educate little girls, teens and women about domestic violence and abuse to discuss keys to a healthy relationship.

To talk about your hurt and pain is freeing. First step to heal the little girl inside of you.  Remember all things are possible through Jesus Christ! The sky is the limit.  

We have to model positive words, deeds, and actions to show girls they are worthy.  To let them know they are to be treated with love and respect. 

I am so thankful and blessed!  I can share hope of healing from domestic violence and together we can end domestic violence.

My book “Love Doesn’t have to Hurt”  is an inspirational guide for women dealing with the topic of domestic violence and abuse.  The release date is scheduled for October 2020.

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Love Yourself

It is so important to LOVE YOURSELF!  Guess what, you are beautiful loving and kind!  You are not perfect, and that’s okay because nobody is.  I’m smiling at you.

It’s so hard after leaving an abusive spouse because we love them so much and we believe in them.  We think about the future and the thought of growing old with them.  

Speaking of your future – In reality, we really can’t have a future with  someone who is so selfish who plans to abuse us only because we are nice, caring, nurturing and empathetic.

He wined and dined us.  Used all the right words and we fell in love.  After that the games began.

Remember all the silent treatment.  Up and down mood swings.  All the times you thought you was going crazy.  You weren’t going crazy because, it was him who was playing games with you. 

All the times you took him back.  All the promises to change.  All the abuse. He built you up only to destroy you by bringing  you down.

It’s time to drop him mentally and physically.  Get your healing on and start loving yourself.

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Loving you:

  1. Get a solid relationship with God.
  2. Tell yourself positive things.
  3. Pamper yourself
  4. Read a good book
  5. Acknowledge that you are worthy to be loved
  6. Trust your inner voice
  7. Do something everyday that you like
  8. Build yourself up!
  9. Ask for help if you need it.
  10. Utilize breathing techniques

I pray these things help you like they helped me.

Please comment and share.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt” 

 

Healing

midsection of woman making heart shape with hands

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The importance of healing.

When we forgive ourselves and/ or the person that hurt us, remember that it is for us!  We need forgiveness for healing. You ask “how do you know if you need healing?” You are always mad, angry or unpleasant.  When you hurt, it makes you sad, then it turns to anger.  After a while it builds into depression.

The wrong time to make life decisions is when you are hurt or angry.
A lot of times, when we are hurt, we can’t hear from God or trusted family and friends. It is usually because we lost our faith and refuse to trust anyone.

If you want to feel better and be your best self forgive and start your healing process.  Trust God! Renew your mind, body and soul. Remember you deserve it. Healing – Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt!

Thanks for visiting and reading.  Please leave a comment.

Come again.

Best,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Hurt”

Self-Worth

close up photo of a woman

Photo by Marlon Schmeiski on Pexels.com

Listen…no judgement. I’m writing from experience. Life has taught me to love myself. If I don’t love me, or value me no one else will. No one else will treat me better than I treat myself. Make time for you each day.  No phones, computers or interruptions.  Find a quiet space and focus on you.

I’m a child of the most high, so I must stand on that truth!

It all starts with me. Taking the best care I can of me.  If that means praying, speaking affirmations, exercising, eating a balanced meal and practicing breathing techniques then DO IT! .  I promise that you will not be disappointed.

When you are at your best self no one can put you down by telling lies to lower your self worth.  That’s what abusers do. They tell lies to make you think you are crazy.  You have to change the very thing that makes you special.

Our creator made us unique and special, no two people are alike.  Are we perfect? No. No one is, but that’s okay.

When I love someone, I love all of them, flaws too.  Is it wrong to want the same thing? No!

Love you and wait patiently until the right person comes along.

Be blessed,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Thanks for visiting and reading. Please leave a message and like.

The Effects of Domestic Violence and Abuse on the family. The Order of Protection Process

Domestic violence is very serious, it can affect men, women and children. Usually men are the abusers, but men can also be abused. When children  witness domestic violence, that’s trauma. Children are at a greater risk of having emotional, behavior issues, be sexually abused and have learning problems.

You can recover, but it will take hard work on your part. And you are going to have to want it. You should talk with God,  a trusted family member, friend or counselor.  God is the true healer. So please don’t leave Him out of your recovery.

It  will affect you mentally and physically. We’re not the same and things don’t affect everyone in the same way. When you are experiencing or living with domestic violence you don’t feel safe or secure most of the time, and it causes you to have trouble sleeping and dealing with life. Some days you don’t want to get out of bed to face the day. You start isolating yourself from family and friends. Your behavior changes at work or school. You begin to lose trust and faith in people. It causes you to feel helpless and hopeless because of the shame and guilt. But it is not your fault. It’s your abuser that has the problem and needs help. But they have to want to change.

I know, because I witnessed domestic violence as a child growing up, then I married a man, that I though loved me. Then again, I guess he did love me, but he had a problem and he abused me for many, many years. I stayed, because I didn’t know any better at first, then over time, I thought I could change him. I thought I could be enough for him to want to change.  That didn’t happen.

Now, I live to help others by sharing my story.

So why is it not recognized or why is it overlooked as a serious crime, especially if its emotional abuse vs physical abuse? I believe physical, emotional and sexual abuse are equally serious crimes and both of these problems should be addressed. Most cases involve men hitting, punching, threatening and emotionally abusing women. But men can get abused too. It also affects children growing up seeing and hearing their parents fight and witnessing the abuse.

Abuse kills your spirit, causes depression and low self-esteem.

The Cycle of Abuse goes in a circle like this: The abuse occurs. He then starts to feel guilty and then he makes excuses.  The fantasy begins –  he gives you flowers, candy, sweet talks you and then wants to make love with you.  Then the setup – the abuse starts again!

Verbal, physical and emotional abuse done to your spouse or partner is done to dominate and control. There are also more ways to abuse the other person  – like financial abuse, spiritual abuse, abusing a pet and sexual abuse.

Abuse

Guilt

Excuses

Normal behavior

Fantasy

Setup

The first step is recognizing the abuse. Once you realize you are being abused decide if you are going to leave or stay in the relationship. Please protect yourself. Utilize people, agencies and resources that are out there to help. If you decide you want to get an order of protection – go to your local courthouse.  The service is free for domestic violence cases. You have to fill out the paperwork and you have to be very detailed and honest.  There are also clerks in the office to answer questions.  After you turn in your paperwork, a judge will look over them and may need to speak with you.  At that time you may be granted a temporary protection order and you will get four copies.  One copy for yourself, the police department, the courts and then your abuser will be served.  If you have a picture of him and describe him it will make it easier for him to be located and served.  You will then be given a court date if all of the facts go in your favor you should receive a permanent Oder of Protection.  Be safe – Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt!

God bless,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Please leave any question or comments.